Introducing...

Madelyn Amia McCorkindale

June 22, 2015

6lbs 10oz, 18.6" long

We went in for a scheduled c-section bright and early Monday morning. I wasn't looking forward to the process much (I felt quite sick through the surgery and recovery with Kayden) and this time wasn't much different from last. I did ask for more anti-nausea drugs this time which helped that end of things but then I was pretty drugged for most of the first day. Day 2 was much better and every day since then has been easier and easier in terms of recovery and feeling like myself again. I'm still moving slowly and haven't ventured beyond the front step of the house BUT I'd rather take it easy and go slow than try to rush recovery and have it take longer as a result. 

We all just love Maddie around here. The kids adore her. Most of the time they're too busy to take much time out of their day to pay much attention to her (especially Kayden) but Levi will snuggle up next to me a few times every day and just spend time with me and Maddie. It's pretty special. 

Maddie has been a very content baby so far. She eats well and sleeps well (for a newborn so up often but never for long). She is mostly content when she is awake. I'm hoping this lasts! She is just so sweet! 

Size-wise, she is between Levi and Kayden's birth weights (3oz heavier than Kayden, 1.5lbs lighter than Levi) but the shortest of all 3. Levi was 20.5", Kayden was 19 3/4", Maddie was 18.5"! I was 18" at birth and weighed less than each of my girls so there's a good chance they'll surpass me in size when they get older, but I'm betting not by much! 

I've had a lot of people say that they see a resemblance between Kayden and Maddie. I see it a bit, they're definitely sisters, but I see more resemblance between Maddie and Levi. Kayden had very fine features as a newborn. Tiny eyes, tiny lips, tiny nose. I feel like Maddie has more pronounced features. She has big, beautiful eyes, wider lips, and a more pronounced nose. I'm curious to see her look develop as she gets older. Each of my kids has their own look and each is so beautifully made. It's an amazing privilege to see how God can knit three totally different and totally beautiful children from the same two parents! 

Well, I'm tired and it's feeling late so I'll just throw in a few more pictures and post this baby. Welcome to the world, Madelyn Amia! We're so happy you've joined us!

Exciting day!

This is an exciting day for me! Newborn diapers AND milk that doesn't expire until after baby's due date! Wahoo!

Pregnancy at 37 weeks

For the fun of comparison, I figured I'd dig up some pics from around the same point in each of my pregnancies. This is 37 weeks-ish with each of the kiddos. 

Top left is Levi. Bottom left is Kayden. Right side is baby #3. I think I look pretty similar in all of them, though I think the doctor has had my dates a bit different with each of them so according to my dates - which I'm quite sure are fairly accurate - I'm about 2 weeks further along in the Levi picture, even though according to the doctor I was 37 weeks in each pic. But that's beside the point! 

So, we all know that there are certain things you should never say to a pregnant lady. Things like:

"Are you sure you're only having one?"

"You look ready to pop!"

"You look so tired..."

Well, I have had another question asked more than once (yes, multiple times by multiple STRANGERS) that should be way off anyone's list of "appropriate conversation topics." See, I'm usually pretty forgiving when people say silly things. Most people open their mouth before they think or make an honest mistake ("oh, your boys are so cute!" when really I have one of each). No worries. It doesn't phase me! But when you - get this - start asking me how tall I am (do you want my current weight too?) and whether I was able to deliver naturally or if I needed c-sections? Off limits, people. You can just let your curiosity burn if you must but please don't ask me details of how I birthed my children within minutes of "meeting" me in the grocery store. Let's just not go there, ok? Thanks. (Did I mention this has happened multiple times over the past few years? More than once, people!! How?!)

Anyway, moving on...

I'm finding pregnancy #3 to be really different from the first two. It's no secret that it's been different physically for me. But also mentally it's been different. The way I feel about our infertility journey has been different. With our first, after trying for over 3 years, I rejoiced openly, feeling like I had somehow earned the right to celebrate. After all, I had suffered and cried and fought and prayed for this baby! Infertility was still fresh on my heart and I was healing from our wounds as I was carrying Levi. Infertility was still very real and that pregnancy was full of emotion! Then we got pregnant with Kayden after only 8 months of trying and I had a few years between me and infertility. I still felt unbelievably grateful for her little life growing inside (obviously) but I also felt a little more guilty in sharing my excitement because I knew that so many other people I knew had been trying so much longer and were still waiting. And then we got pregnant with #3 after 9 months of trying and I feel now like I have no voice to speak to those who are hurting and struggling with infertility. When I was in the midst of infertility, I felt like once people had kids, they forgot the pain of infertility and could no longer identify with me in my struggle and pain. And to an extent I find that to be true. I am definitely not in the place that I was when I was pregnant with Levi. I hope that I am still sensitive and I remember the pain, but I don't FEEL the pain anymore so it's hard to remember the details of what exactly I needed from others and what people said that hurt or helped. I remember that the days ached and that I hurt with every fibre of my being. But it has been so long now that I can't actually feel those feelings anymore. And that makes me nervous that I won't be as sensitive as I should be around friends who are still waiting. Maybe I'll say the wrong thing or talk about my kids too much or mention the struggle of motherhood without sounding grateful enough that I have the opportunity to experience this struggle. It's a weird place to be in. Infertility is still a huge part of my story, and yet I feel like it has faded so much. We chose to keep this pregnancy off of Facebook because I remember how hard it was to be scrolling through the news feed and see pictures of growing bellies and hear complaints of discomfort and sickness. It felt like I had no escape from the world of baby bellies around me and like those who didn't struggle to get pregnant had no right to complain. And I didn't want to contribute to that for my friends who are still waiting for their miracles. It's a strange balance to find. Friends who are still waiting, I know that I'm in a very different place than you are and I don't fully remember what it was like to be where you are. But I do remember that it was the hardest thing and I desire to be sensitive and to support you in your journey. Please be open and honest so I can walk your journeys with you and remember what I've been through so I can better support you who are still waiting. 

A little time alone.

Today Nathan needed to head to Regina so he decided to take the kids along for a little "daddy-kid adventure" leaving me with a few hours by myself. This doesn't happen very often. Maybe once every 6-12 months I get a few daytime hours at home by myself? It's lovely. I usually panic about what the best use of my time is. Do I nap? Do I try be productive? Do I dive into something I enjoy and enjoy doing it with no interruptions? Do I try to organize life so it will be that much easier when everyone gets home again? Today I opted for a little of everything! I started out gardening. I planted out a couple house plants to make even the tiniest amount of extra space on my counter (which is full of house plants right now thanks to renos). Then I started a load of laundry...baby clothes and blankets! Hmm...the question that has you all wondering is whether I've dug out the baby BOY clothes or the baby GIRL clothes! Time will tell, my friends. Time will tell. Little baby McCorkindale should be here within a month :) While waiting for the load of laundry to finish, I laid down in bed. I didn't plan to nap but oh, I did! You wouldn't believe how I wrestled with myself about that one! Not so much the fact that I was napping, but my mind and body kept saying "get up! You need to switch laundry so that you can be done before everyone is home! It's 3pm, you need to get Kayden up from her nap! You really shouldn't sleep away your whole afternoon!" But I pushed that voice down and snuggled deeper into my oh-so-cozy bed for just a bit longer. And a bit longer. Amazing, people. Amazing. As I'm laying here, though, being utterly lazy and feeling my hips and ribs turn numb because I haven't turned over in an hour, I'm realizing that this stage of life where I constantly have little ones needing my attention is going to be so short-lived!  I've been in this high demand stage for almost 5 years now but in another 5 years I might be almost out of it! I might be looking at sending my youngest to kindergarten and having every second day to myself! And then the year after that, every day! And life will never be like this again. They just won't need me the same way. And I won't have the constant company around the house. As exhausting as it can be... I'm going to miss it! Sure, our house might be cleaner. (Yes, I said "might!") I will be more rested. I will have more time to do the things I enjoy without being interrupted at every turn. But...but...will this time with my babes at home really be over?? Does it really fly by that quickly? Wow. What a ride this parenting thing is. I'm so thankful for these quiet moments every few months to remember to enjoy this time with my kids at home every day. It's such a short and unique time. I take it for granted and feel like it will last forever but it won't! Man, I need to hug those kids more, before they just push me away and run on to the next thing. Oh wait, that's already happening... :) shoot. Just stay my babies for a little while longer!

Fair warning

Just in case you've never been through renos, or haven't been through renos with young kids, or haven't been through renos with a flooded basement with nowhere to store stuff...let me enlighten you and say that if you come to visit, there will be no judging. Our house is a mess. There is stuff everywhere. And it'll be like that for a while yet. Just understand that it's because renos have vomited over our entire house and it's not an actual representation of how we housekeep. I'll let the pictures tell the rest :)

Pregnancy and Renos...

Feels like pregnancy and renos are the two big things going on in my life right now. Not that either of them are keeping me particularly busy. Pregnancy isn't really a "busy" thing and when you're pregnant, renos aren't busy either. At least not for me. Nathan has work to keep him busy every waking moment of the day. Between working a full time job, mowing 6-8 hours a week - pregnant wifey tried to help a few weeks ago but that was a mistake, renos with no end in sight, helping me with a few of the things that I can't do right now (putting up pea fences for one), and spraying our yard for dandelions...never mind having some sort of down time and family time...it's been a long month for Nathan already! Hopefully the next month brings the end of bedroom renos so we can ease up a bit with that and enjoy our transition to life as a family of 5 with a bit more down time! I honestly can't believe how fast it's gone. Not so much the pregnancy - this one has been full of "adventures" (more on that later) which has made it feel unpredictable and drawn out. But I think about this time 5 years ago and Nathan and I were still just the two of us. And in 5 short years we have become a family of 5! That's the part that's crazy to me. How quickly a family can grow and change!

As mentioned, pregnancy has been interesting this time around. I feel like my first pregnancy was full of fears and worries but was fairly comfortable as far as sickness and discomfort. My second was higher on the pain scale but not so bad with sickness or fear/worry. And this one has had on and off worries/pain but I feel like I've been more sick this time around than both the other pregnancies combined. Desperately rushed trips to the bathroom in more places I care to know, emergency ultrasound at the beginning, cardiologist appointment, emergency optometrist appointment...it feels like this pregnancy has has soaring hormones that have brought out every weird pregnancy symptom there is. Just goes to show that each pregnancy can be so different! Needless to say, I'm ready to be done with the pregnancy stage and meet this new little one! At around 35 weeks is when I always get really excited and the arrival of a new baby starts to feel much more real. I can start to see the due date on the calendar without flipping so many pages. I can start to think in terms of "only five more Sundays in church before the big day!" Those are the things, for me, that make the arrival feel close. Sure, I've long outgrown my maternity clothes and I can feel little feet and arms inside rather than just whooshing round shapes. Yes, those things make it feel close. But the calendar is what really does it for me. Events are being planned for after the baby's birth (I saw a sign on the side of the road for an auction scheduled to happen after baby's arrival)! And I can't wait until our milk won't expire until after we're home from the hospital! Then I'll really know it's close :)

Well, aside from pregnancy and renos I'm not sure what else is happening. I have much less energy for gardening this year. I've got my seeds in but haven't done anything beyond that. I pull a few weeds here and there around the house but bending down is getting less and less possible (hello heartburn and basketball trapped beneath my ribs). The kids have been great lately. Being able to get outside every day has made a world of difference in their behaviour and attitudes. It's lovely. Levi is such a helpful, smart, and funny four year old and Kayden is an increasingly independent yet still fairly sweet and agreeable two year old. We are STILL dealing with potty regression with her, unfortunately. There is often a small accident these days before she tells us and then finishes on the potty. Some days I feel like we are making progress and then other days, like today, we almost don't have enough shorts/underwear to make it through the day. The regression all started a couple days after renos started which is a month ago now. I totally blame the change (chaos) in our house and routine for the regression but I expected her to bounce back to where she was by now and that just hasn't happened. I'm not sure what to try next. If she doesn't want to sit on the potty and try to go, there is no forcing her. And yet accidents usually come minutes after I ask if she needs to go and she says that she doesn't. She has been dry overnight more in the past month so that gives me hope. But the daytime accidents...oi. So much laundry! We just never had to deal with regression to this extent with Levi, or at least not that I remember. 

Anyway, enough potty talk. Wanna see some pictures??

Wearing daddy's hats, because they're so much better than our own. 

Reading stories together this morning. Levi loves to read to Kayden and I'm pretty sure she doesn't mind one bit. 

"What are we doing, mama? Can we look in the mirror too? Can we? Huh? Can we please?"

35 weeks

Sneak peek at the colour scheme for our new living space!

I hope they're always good friends who choose to play together, even when the park is full of other kids!

Planting the garden. 

What happens after planting the garden. 

Visiting the bunny. The last lone bunny that survived the winter. I think he needs a friend but the kind of friend he won't kill will only result in many, many more friends than he needs...

34-35 weeks...like I said in an earlier post, I take tons of belly pics over the course of a few days and then realize I have a bunch and stop...and then realize a that it's been an entire month since I've taken one so I take a bunch more. I don't do regulation very well, I guess!

Since we are so close to the end now, does anyone care to make guesses on baby's gender?? Leave your guess in the comments, I'm curious to hear what people are predicting!

Renos during pregnancy...why?!

One of the most frustrating things in the blogging world is when you spend half an hour writing out a witty, entertaining post on your phone, only to put your phone down to put your kids to bed and to come back to find that none of it saved. Why on earth would the blogger appnot have an automatic save?? Anyway, now you all get the shorter, less entertaining version!

Why is it that renos often happen in the latter stages of a baby entering a family? Sure, it's probably pretty logical. You need more space, or a more usable space. It's nesting to the extreme: "honey, let's renovate! Oh, except I can't help you really very much at all..." Doesn't quite seem fair, does it? In our case, we are looking for more bedrooms. I'm hoping the baby has their own room by the time he/she arrives, not that they will use it for the first little bit. But I really want to go through the process of getting the baby's room ready...and to do that, we will need to have the older two in their new room(s). It's yet to be determined if they will continue to share a room for a while or if they will have their own rooms right off the bat. 

The first week of renos was done by a crew during the day and Nathan did cleanup in the evenings. By the end of the first week, we had our garage framed in, windows added, a subfloor and ceiling built and bedrooms framed. Since then, we have been working on drywalling the bedrooms and covering the studs in the addition with particle board. Considering this is one of Nathan's busy seasons with work (wind-ups, grads, etc), he hadn't had much time to work on the house. But he has been devoting what little time he has to do what he can. And he also manages to spend some quality time with the kids every day. He's pretty amazing. No complaining either. How great is he? 

Speaking of great...ok, so this is kinda opposite...our house is a wreck right now. We have displaced furniture all over the place and thanks to a spring flood in our basement that happened just as renos got going, we don't even have that space to store the things that fit down the stairs. It's lovely. So now we're not only trying to finish up the upstairs renos, we are trying to eliminate our basement water problems. But once it's done, our list of things that we want to do to this house will be much shorter! And that is just.plain.exciting!

Speaking of exciting...oh wait, opposite day again...Kayden has had some serious potty regression with the chaos of renos. She had been trained for three months and we were at the point of not needing to take along extra clothes when we went out but now we're back to "how many changes of clothes will we need if we're out for 6 hours?" I know that regression happens and that they just need consistency and patience and they'll be right back into their groove before too long. But right now it's discouraging. I just hope that baby's arrival doesn't bring on potty regression #2! 

Speaking of baby's arrival, we should be welcoming baby in 6-7 short weeks! I'm getting so excited to meet this little person. It always becomes more real to me once I can see the date on the calendar and count the number of doctors visits left before the big day! This is actually happening! We're actually going to have three kids! THREE! That's exciting! I'm sure it'll have its moments of "what have we done?" but when I see those sweet little faces...there's no going back :) I thank God for each one of these miracles!