More potty talk...

It has been quite a year. I started potty training Kayden a year ago. A whole year. And...wow. There have been MANY loads of laundry and many moments of frustration. She seemed to catch on really quickly but soon regressed with renos then a new baby throwing our routine out the window. And she never seemed to recover. By November we were well into a new routine but things just weren't getting better in terms of accidents. And I knew she was smart enough/old enough to catch on...something just didn't seem right. So I started looking into medical reasons for why potty training would be a struggle and wouldn't you know, constipation was the culprit! She's been plugged pretty much since starting solid foods and we noticed that when she was especially plugged, she had trouble holding her pee. But it never crossed my mind that constipation could be the reason she didn't feel her pee coming ALL the time! Ugh! I felt so bad. Here we had been trying to train her for almost a year and she was obviously trying but simply couldn't feel the urge to go! So we continued training but with extra motivation to solve her constipation issues as quickly as possible. Diet changes didn't seem to help much so I took her to the doctor in December. He suggested "Lax-a-Day." We tried it and it did help but when we stopped for a few days over Christmas, so did her pooping. I didn't feel good about a laxative being a permanent solution so I started looking at other things we could try. Two weeks ago we cut out dairy (switched to almond milk instead) and, without going into detail, I'll just say that it was a very good two weeks! Best two weeks she's had since she was exclusively breastfed! But almost none of that "good two weeks" made it into the potty, unfortunately, because for the first time that she could remember, she didn't have to sit and strain for half an hour to get it out...it just came! And took her by surprise...and didn't give her time to get to the potty. But talk about encouraging! Kayden, on the other hand, has seemed pretty discouraged with the whole potty training thing lately. And who could blame her? It's been a year of more accidents than successes. She recently just stopped telling us when she had accidents, wearing her wet pants until we noticed, and that's not cool. So yesterday I suggested that we take a break, go back to diapers, and when she turns 3 (10 days), she will be a big girl and can go back to panties and we'll try again with the whole staying dry thing. She seemed very grateful for the break. (She often tells me "I'm just having a break, Mama.") I'm a little nervous that she will lose what little bit she was trained...but I've also spent most of the past year feeling like success is "just around the corner" and it never was. So at this point I'm willing to take a small step back in hopes of a renewed girl when we start training again. It's been a long road. It's about as different from Levi's training as it could be (he was trained at 21 months within a few days, nights too by 22 months). This experience hasn't made me doubt that early potty training is wrong. I will still try to potty train Maddie before or around her second birthday. But I will make sure that there are no medical issues standing in her way of success. I kinda feel like I've failed Kayden. How could I have missed that for so long? I just hope that, once we have this constipation thing under control, potty training will be fast and easy and that it will build her confidence right back up again!

A peek into my mind as a stay at home mom...

I wrote this last night but figured I would wait until the light of day to see if I still have the guts to share it. Everyone wants to feel like they're good at what they do, and moms are no exception. But when there's no job description or even much time for stepping back for some perspective, it can be tough.

"I always forget just how out-of-it I feel at various points in the first year after having a baby. I go through depression, exhaustion, guilt, lack of motivation, discouragement - and of course love and joy that burst through my chest, and moments of peace too. But those negative ones always take me by surprise and make me feel like I've always been like this and like I always will be. It's hard. Those hormones get to my mind every time. I wish they wouldnt. It's so hard to be a good mom when you don't always feel like you have a clear mind. I feel overwhelmed by stuff and I know that it really shouldn't be getting to me like that. Or the kids will ask to do a simple activity like paint and it'll feel like they've asked me to climb a mountain. Why is it so hard? I don't feel like I'm that tired or draggy. I always pictured myself as the mom who drew no limits when it came to kids and crafts/activities and their creativity. And yet, they're at the stage right now where they need so much help and don't have long attention spans so I barely have time to get them set up and it's time to start cleaning up already because they're done. I also feel like I'm constantly being pulled in at least 2-3 different directions at once. It's not unusual to have supper going on the stove, Maddie crying in her crib because she doesn't want to nap, Kayden at my feet saying "I want you to HOLD me!" and then Levi asking me to watch something or read something or just poking Kayden to get her to scream. In those moments I just feel like it's too much. If I go to Maddie, supper will either burn or be pushed later. If I let her cry, her nap will be even later and it will be harder to get her to sleep because she will be that much more tired. If I let supper go later, I've got two other grumpy kids and chances are, Nathan has a meeting to get to so supper needs to happen at a certain time. I can't very easily hold Kayden while I'm cooking but that's most often when she asks to be held and I don't want her to feel like I always say "not now." Levi is the least of my worries but he's insistent so finally I snap at him then feel bad because all he wanted is a bit of attention. I love the chaos and it also feels like too much sometimes. It makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. How can you love something that makes you so crazy? I don't know.

"Today my one goal was to clean Levi's room. If I'd used quiet time for it, it probably could have taken half an hour. But instead I chose to use quiet time to do some computer stuff which is harder to do while kids are awake. And Levi's room ended up taking all day. Between a couple loads of laundry, getting meals and snacks, reading stories, taking potty, nursing Maddie, putting kids down for naps, feeding animals, burning garbage, dressing kids, changing diapers, doing Kayden's hair...there were only snippets of time here and there to do it. And when the kids are around where I'm working...well, I hold Maddie because she's fussy but then only have one hand to clean. I sort things into piles but the kids always find interesting things in the piles and then they aren't piles anymore. I need to move something across the room and there are little bodies in the way. I also hoped to clean the disaster that is the basement (has been for a month or so) but that didn't get touched. *sigh*

"It's hard to know if you're doing a good job as a mother. Your kid has trouble in school and you wonder if it's your fault. Your daughter is sad and wants to go to bed without lunch - is she just tired or is she sad because you don't spend enough time with her? I try to take time to be attentive to the kids, to read them stories and to listen to them but there's a lot of work to do in running a house too. Some things just need to get done. I try to involve them where I can - baking, cleaning...but they don't always want to do what needs to be done and I sometimes just want to get something done without "help." I wish the lack of accomplishments in a day and the number of piles of clutter were an indication of the time I've poured into my children instead. And while I know that's exactly what the piles and unfinished projects are, I always fear that the kids still feel like I'm too busy. Where's the balance? My work and my life are one and the same. There is no "40 hours a week" when it comes to raising children and making a home. No job description to tell you how you're doing, to measure yourself against. I hope that our children will look back on happy childhoods. I hope that they will be well-adjusted adults. I hope that they will know how much I love them. I hope that they will feel like I always had time for them. The most I can do is try my best every day and hope that I'm not making any huge mistakes. Oh that my children would be able to say:

"We always knew she loved us.
"She always had time to listen.
"We each knew we were her favourite."

I didn't write this for sympathy or in hopes that anything will change. I just know that I often feel alone in this chaos but know that there must be other moms out there who feel the same way. Be encouraged, other moms. Nobody has their life all perfectly together. And if they do, they have children who sleep like angels or they only have one child (because we all know that fewer children automatically means easier - NOT) or they just simply poop unicorns. I'm pretty sure anyone who is a mom feels like their life is running a bit amuck. And I just want all those moms who are falling apart to know that it's ok. And you're not alone.

This and That

Random fact: We have a story in one of our kids books called "This and That." (blog post title, in case you have no idea what I'm talking about...and you might still have no idea but that's alright) It's about a mother cat on a farm who goes to all the animals and asks if she can use things like straw and feathers and such. And when the animals ask her why she needs the stuff, she always answers, "Oh, this and that." And the last page shows her with her two new kittens named This and That.

Anyhoo...

Potty training. Wow. It has been a process with our girl. I did one day last week where we packed away the diapers and I spent the entire day watching her closely and reminding her to "tell me when you need to pee." She did really well that day and I felt like we were going to have this pants-wetting thing nipped in the bud. BUT...nope. The next day I made salsa. And the day after that I made more salsa. And then it was Sunday and we were pooped (not literally...oh wait. maybe literally...). Monday came and I was helping Nathan with the ceiling a bit and doing stuff around the house. Tuesday I was busy around the house doing who knows what. And that was a lot of days when I wasn't watching her closely. Many accidents. Many, many loads of laundry. And a girl who doesn't seem to feel it coming, doesn't seem to mind being wet, and will NOT tell us when she needs to go or even when she's had an accident. It's quite frustrating to say the least.

me - "Kayden, tell me when you need to pee!"

K - "Alright."

me - "Kayden, doesn't it feel yucky to have wet pants?"

K - "Nopers!"

Alrighty then. I guess I'll just change your pants whenever I notice that telltale dark spot on the back. Ugh.

I'm thinking I'll need to change my approach. Perhaps tomorrow I will start setting a timer and she will be required to try to pee on the potty every hour or so. If she succeeds, maybe I'll give her two hours before she has to try again. Prizes haven't worked. She just says she doesn't want whatever it is that I'm trying to bribe her with. Potty celebration dances don't work. Huge amounts of praise don't work. Doing it because it just feels better to have dry pants doesn't work. (she loves all those things but will still choose to wet her pants if she doesn't feel like going on the potty) So I'm hoping that if I can get her used to the feeling of dry pants for a few days in a row, maybe she will start to notice that being wet feels icky and be more motivated to work at it. She's such a mystery, that girl.

Speaking of mysteries, Maddie. Sleep. Her sleep is a mystery to me. Why won't she close her eyes and sleep?? It seems like the only time she will close her eyes and fall asleep is when she is so tired that she physically cannot keep her eyes open any longer. I see her eyelids drooping and then I see her little forehead wrinkle and eyebrows go up in an effort to hold her eyes open just a few.seconds.longer... JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SLEEP! You can lead a horse to water. You can even shove their face in it. But it looks like I've got a horse that doesn't drink, even when her throat is dry as a desert.

But as frustrating as Maddie's going to sleep habits are, I must say that she's a pretty good sleeper once she finally gives in to it. I don't know that either of our other kids gave us a 9 hour stretch by 10 weeks old. I'm pretty sure neither of them gave us a 9 hour stretch before they were 12 months old! (Who am I kidding..."us"? Nathan sleeps just fine. It's me who is up with the little lady multiple times a night! Forget sleeping like a baby, I want to sleep like a husband! - yes, I stole that from a shirt. But it's SO true)

So this is what my life is these days. Sleep, pee, kindergarten (but I know how shy Levi is and he probably wouldn't want me to post about him and kindergarten much so I won't...Maddie and Kayden...for some reason I just don't think they mind quite as much. Maybe by the time they're 5, they'll mind too and I'll pull back my recounting of their lives via blog). Sometimes I wonder if I should be a working mom. There are moments when I wonder if what I do is really profitable. Valuable. Maybe I'm wasting these years of my life by staying at home and not pushing myself more to get out of the house and use my brain in a different way at least a couple days a week. But you know...then I stop and think about it some more. Some people would feel like they're wasting away if they spent every day doing what I do. But who's to say that working a job or using your mind for something other than homemaking is more valuable? What's important here? Should I take my kids to daycare while I work a job I hate (or enjoy, but that's beside the point) just because I feel like I'm more valued in society if I do that? I think, when it comes right down to it, it's about what God has led each of us to do and what makes us feel fulfilled. What is life-giving to you? Is it to work a job? Then do it with everything you've got! Is it to work part time and stay home with the kids part time? Awesome! Or is what's most life-giving to you to be free to throw yourself into your home and family every hour of the day? Then do it and take great joy in it! No guilt. No inferiority. Just huge amounts of blessing in whatever you do if you're doing it for the right reasons!

I was wondering the other day about whether I was getting "dumb" because I stay at home. I loved maths and sciences in school. Math especially. Calculus was my favourite. It gave me headaches. It stretched my mind. And I loved it. Physics too. And chemistry. Equations. Formulas. Aah...the subjects where there is a clear right and wrong answer. Black and white. Everything can be neat and tidy when there are right and wrong answers. None of this grey business (though I recognize that there is a ton of grey in life and I embrace that there is - it would be wrong to insist otherwise...just wouldn't it be easier if everything could be put in a clean and organized pile? mmm...piles...) Anyway, off topic. I don't do any of that anymore (maths/sciences). But I realized that I AM still using my mind. I'm not using it in an academic way (who says academia is the only important place in the world?) but I am using it. I do problem solving every.single.day. I spend hours wondering why my baby isn't sleeping....still.isn't.sleeping...why isn't she sleeping yet? I analyze her schedule and her sleep cues and tweak this and that until it works. I pore over details of my two year old's personality, trying to figure out why she doesn't care to use the potty and what might motivate her to choose porcelain over fabric for her elimination needs. I wonder why my 5 year old is so shy and why he won't speak or let people see who he is and wonder how I can help him grow to be confident. (oh wait, he's just like me...) I search my mental database on a regular basis for the perfect stain treatment to get out various stains from my children's (and husband's) clothes. I am constantly learning new things about the best way to clean something or cook something or make something. I am no gourmet cook, but I have learned many things about cooking since I got married and rarely use recipes anymore - unless I'm baking. There's something about baking that just doesn't turn out quite right if you don't have the right amount of baking soda or flour or whatever...and I just haven't mastered the "feel" of baking without a recipe yet. Gardening...I'm still in the beginning stages of learning what works and what doesn't and all that is involved in getting a good crop year after year. How are these things any less valuable than things you learn in a classroom? I submit that they are not. I don't care that some people don't value home-making as a full time job. I am going to rock home-making out of this world!

So there.

Speaking of homemaking...our house is a disaster (though I do believe making a HOME and taking care of a HOUSE can be two different things...but I digress). Here's a random story for you...because it's late and I ramble pointlessly when I'm tired. We had someone stop by unannounced this morning (the risk of getting a new phone number and people still having the old number in their phone) and I was SO embarrassed at the state of our house. There was a pile of tomatoes on the kitchen floor because I'd just been sorting out the red tomatoes from the green to make pizza sauce today. There were dirty diapers on the floor because I hadn't taken them downstairs to the diaper pail yet that morning. There were crayons on the floor, papers from kids colouring all over the floor, half-eaten breakfast on the table, a random pair of ear muffs for mowing the lawn on the floor, a pile of random junk on a shelf by the door, some lawn chairs leaning against the wall in our dining room, the table covered with random stuff, socks on the floor by the door, plastic bags laying around, a drill, a broom, random furniture here and there. There was stuff EVERYWHERE. And that's often how our house is these days. I usually try to tidy up if I know someone is coming over but today there was no warning. And it was fine because I'm sure she (wonderful lady, has grown kids of her own) knows we're in the middle of renos (it takes so much more time and energy to clean up when you have to FIND a place for everything rather than just return it to it's designated spot, am I right?!) and have young kids who make messes faster than I can clean them up and am in the middle of dealing with huge amounts of garden produce and have a baby who doesn't sleep which means that my usual tidy-up time in the evening is spent bouncing an overtired baby. BUT...it was hard to let her see that. I always took pride in the way our house looked. I felt like it was a direct representation of how well I was doing my job. It's as if people were thinking "you stay home all day, why WOULDN'T your house be spotless?" To that I say, wouldn't a house be more spotless if nobody was there all day? Just sayin'. ;)

Anyway... Yeah. Messy house. It drives me nuts. I think of it because I'm sitting here typing in the midst of it instead of spending the night tidying up. Haha. Yup. But that's probably enough pointless rambling for one night. If you've read this far, nice work.

One last random thought for you this evening...why did Apple make such sharp edges on the bottom of their laptops? I'm using a MacBook and the skin on the inside of my forearms is raw from the edge of the laptop cutting into my skin. Seriously Apple, you do so many things well but that edge...make it a little rounder, k?

A little time alone.

Today Nathan needed to head to Regina so he decided to take the kids along for a little "daddy-kid adventure" leaving me with a few hours by myself. This doesn't happen very often. Maybe once every 6-12 months I get a few daytime hours at home by myself? It's lovely. I usually panic about what the best use of my time is. Do I nap? Do I try be productive? Do I dive into something I enjoy and enjoy doing it with no interruptions? Do I try to organize life so it will be that much easier when everyone gets home again? Today I opted for a little of everything! I started out gardening. I planted out a couple house plants to make even the tiniest amount of extra space on my counter (which is full of house plants right now thanks to renos). Then I started a load of laundry...baby clothes and blankets! Hmm...the question that has you all wondering is whether I've dug out the baby BOY clothes or the baby GIRL clothes! Time will tell, my friends. Time will tell. Little baby McCorkindale should be here within a month :) While waiting for the load of laundry to finish, I laid down in bed. I didn't plan to nap but oh, I did! You wouldn't believe how I wrestled with myself about that one! Not so much the fact that I was napping, but my mind and body kept saying "get up! You need to switch laundry so that you can be done before everyone is home! It's 3pm, you need to get Kayden up from her nap! You really shouldn't sleep away your whole afternoon!" But I pushed that voice down and snuggled deeper into my oh-so-cozy bed for just a bit longer. And a bit longer. Amazing, people. Amazing. As I'm laying here, though, being utterly lazy and feeling my hips and ribs turn numb because I haven't turned over in an hour, I'm realizing that this stage of life where I constantly have little ones needing my attention is going to be so short-lived!  I've been in this high demand stage for almost 5 years now but in another 5 years I might be almost out of it! I might be looking at sending my youngest to kindergarten and having every second day to myself! And then the year after that, every day! And life will never be like this again. They just won't need me the same way. And I won't have the constant company around the house. As exhausting as it can be... I'm going to miss it! Sure, our house might be cleaner. (Yes, I said "might!") I will be more rested. I will have more time to do the things I enjoy without being interrupted at every turn. But...but...will this time with my babes at home really be over?? Does it really fly by that quickly? Wow. What a ride this parenting thing is. I'm so thankful for these quiet moments every few months to remember to enjoy this time with my kids at home every day. It's such a short and unique time. I take it for granted and feel like it will last forever but it won't! Man, I need to hug those kids more, before they just push me away and run on to the next thing. Oh wait, that's already happening... :) shoot. Just stay my babies for a little while longer!

Pregnancy and Renos...

Feels like pregnancy and renos are the two big things going on in my life right now. Not that either of them are keeping me particularly busy. Pregnancy isn't really a "busy" thing and when you're pregnant, renos aren't busy either. At least not for me. Nathan has work to keep him busy every waking moment of the day. Between working a full time job, mowing 6-8 hours a week - pregnant wifey tried to help a few weeks ago but that was a mistake, renos with no end in sight, helping me with a few of the things that I can't do right now (putting up pea fences for one), and spraying our yard for dandelions...never mind having some sort of down time and family time...it's been a long month for Nathan already! Hopefully the next month brings the end of bedroom renos so we can ease up a bit with that and enjoy our transition to life as a family of 5 with a bit more down time! I honestly can't believe how fast it's gone. Not so much the pregnancy - this one has been full of "adventures" (more on that later) which has made it feel unpredictable and drawn out. But I think about this time 5 years ago and Nathan and I were still just the two of us. And in 5 short years we have become a family of 5! That's the part that's crazy to me. How quickly a family can grow and change!

As mentioned, pregnancy has been interesting this time around. I feel like my first pregnancy was full of fears and worries but was fairly comfortable as far as sickness and discomfort. My second was higher on the pain scale but not so bad with sickness or fear/worry. And this one has had on and off worries/pain but I feel like I've been more sick this time around than both the other pregnancies combined. Desperately rushed trips to the bathroom in more places I care to know, emergency ultrasound at the beginning, cardiologist appointment, emergency optometrist appointment...it feels like this pregnancy has has soaring hormones that have brought out every weird pregnancy symptom there is. Just goes to show that each pregnancy can be so different! Needless to say, I'm ready to be done with the pregnancy stage and meet this new little one! At around 35 weeks is when I always get really excited and the arrival of a new baby starts to feel much more real. I can start to see the due date on the calendar without flipping so many pages. I can start to think in terms of "only five more Sundays in church before the big day!" Those are the things, for me, that make the arrival feel close. Sure, I've long outgrown my maternity clothes and I can feel little feet and arms inside rather than just whooshing round shapes. Yes, those things make it feel close. But the calendar is what really does it for me. Events are being planned for after the baby's birth (I saw a sign on the side of the road for an auction scheduled to happen after baby's arrival)! And I can't wait until our milk won't expire until after we're home from the hospital! Then I'll really know it's close :)

Well, aside from pregnancy and renos I'm not sure what else is happening. I have much less energy for gardening this year. I've got my seeds in but haven't done anything beyond that. I pull a few weeds here and there around the house but bending down is getting less and less possible (hello heartburn and basketball trapped beneath my ribs). The kids have been great lately. Being able to get outside every day has made a world of difference in their behaviour and attitudes. It's lovely. Levi is such a helpful, smart, and funny four year old and Kayden is an increasingly independent yet still fairly sweet and agreeable two year old. We are STILL dealing with potty regression with her, unfortunately. There is often a small accident these days before she tells us and then finishes on the potty. Some days I feel like we are making progress and then other days, like today, we almost don't have enough shorts/underwear to make it through the day. The regression all started a couple days after renos started which is a month ago now. I totally blame the change (chaos) in our house and routine for the regression but I expected her to bounce back to where she was by now and that just hasn't happened. I'm not sure what to try next. If she doesn't want to sit on the potty and try to go, there is no forcing her. And yet accidents usually come minutes after I ask if she needs to go and she says that she doesn't. She has been dry overnight more in the past month so that gives me hope. But the daytime accidents...oi. So much laundry! We just never had to deal with regression to this extent with Levi, or at least not that I remember. 

Anyway, enough potty talk. Wanna see some pictures??

Wearing daddy's hats, because they're so much better than our own. 

Reading stories together this morning. Levi loves to read to Kayden and I'm pretty sure she doesn't mind one bit. 

"What are we doing, mama? Can we look in the mirror too? Can we? Huh? Can we please?"

35 weeks

Sneak peek at the colour scheme for our new living space!

I hope they're always good friends who choose to play together, even when the park is full of other kids!

Planting the garden. 

What happens after planting the garden. 

Visiting the bunny. The last lone bunny that survived the winter. I think he needs a friend but the kind of friend he won't kill will only result in many, many more friends than he needs...

34-35 weeks...like I said in an earlier post, I take tons of belly pics over the course of a few days and then realize I have a bunch and stop...and then realize a that it's been an entire month since I've taken one so I take a bunch more. I don't do regulation very well, I guess!

Since we are so close to the end now, does anyone care to make guesses on baby's gender?? Leave your guess in the comments, I'm curious to hear what people are predicting!

Potty training - take 2

Well, I've felt for a while that Kayden has been ready for potty training attempt #2. But between bed rest in December, then Christmas, then having my sister out for a visit which was followed by a week away with her...well I just simply haven't had a good chunk of time! But today was the day. Kayden has been holding it for long periods of time, she can say "pee," and she hasn't pooped in her diaper in quite a while (her bout of sickness excluded!), usually telling us that she has to go #2 before it happens.

We went to church as usual this morning and the plan was to start training after naptime. She was a grump after nap but I started anyway and the undivided attention really turned her afternoon around! We said "bye" to the diapers, which went to the basement to be washed and packed away until they're needed again in June/July. We stripped off her pants. And then we started pumping through juice boxes and oranges and anything else juicy that I could think of! Sidenote: I would normally caution against the use of oranges during potty training as they can be quite effective in getting things going, making poops less predictable and more messy than normal BUT they don't have that effect on Kayden so we're safe. :)

Now, I'm sure you're all wondering how the afternoon went! Well, we changed a fairly wet diaper after church and put her in a dry one for lunch and her nap. She woke up dry. We took the diapers away and she has had no accidents since! But before you start cheering and jumping up and down, you must know that she also hasn't peed on the potty. She just hasn't gone in, oh, the last 6.5 hours. (This is crazy since I, pregnant, can't imagine going that long between bathroom visits!) This is fairly normal for Kayden, though, ever since our first potty training attempt, but it sure doesn't make for that many teachable moments! Oh well,  fewer messes to clean this way! The cutest part of the afternoon? I have been reminding Kayden to tell me when she needs to pee every few minutes all afternoon and at one point she started answering back in her sweet little voice, "ok." Gah! She's just the cutest thing ever.  Along with her brother, of course. He's pretty sweet as well. Love those two!

Kayden sure seemed to enjoy the one-on-one attention this afternoon! Nathan took Levi outside to play in the snow for about an hour and the two of us had lots of fun. It doesn't happen much that I get uninterrupted one-on-one time with either of the kids so it's always special when I do. We read lots of books and I set up the baking soda and vinegar activity for her for the first time - she loved it!

Well, I'm curious how the next hour before bed will go. Either we will have a massive "uh-oh" during night snack, a massive pee on the potty, or a very wet diaper in the morning! The three day potty training method says not to use diapers at all once you start the process but I learned from doing this three dsy process with Levi that it totally isn't worth the multiple night wakings and sheet changings when they aren't wearing diapers at night before they're ready. We found that Levi wearing absorbent padding at night didn't hinder his training and before a month was past, he was waking up dry on his own anyway.  So I'm not putting myself through that again; I'll just go with night diapers right from the start and be well-rested for the days of training. 

Well,  looks like snack time is over and no accidents yet! Time to put these kiddos to bed. G'night all!

A tasty lunch of...my words

Kids always have a way of making us eat our words, don't they? Remember how I mentioned that Levi was giving us a run for our money? That he was just being difficult and stubborn and strong-willed? Guess who has been an absolute delight since then?  This kid:

He has been agreeable. He has been helpful. He has been polite. He has been kind to his sister. It hasn't been PERFECT behaviour, but I'd say it's about as close as a four year old can come. 

Maybe something just had to give. Maybe there's always a calm after the storm. Maybe we wore him down and he figured it wasn't worth the fight. Maybe he had a couple restful nights of sleep. Maybe I'm just feeling more patient, which makes him act out less, which makes me even more patient, and him act out even less. Maybe it's the fact that I finally feel a bit more caught up on orders and have a bit more time/energy for the kids. Maybe it's all of you who were praying after the last post. Who knows. I don't really care what the reason is. All I know is life has been so much more pleasant these last few days. I feel like he's back to his "normal" self now. Happier. More kind. And much more fun to be around! 

I absolutely love this boy and guess what?? I actually really LIKE him too!

"Mom, I don't really like white (President's Choice) apple juice..."

Random facts and pictures, because sometimes random is fun.

Levi rushed outside this morning when he saw that it was snowing, declaring, "I'm going outside to EAT SNOW!" Then from outside I hear, "Mama! It's snow storming out here!" He then cried multiple times throughout the day when he saw that the snow wasn't staying on the ground. Just wait, my boy...you will have plenty of snow and will know what a real "snow storm" is all too soon. 

I busted out the long johns this morning. I wear them basically all winter. Levi did ask, though, what I put on my knees. Haha

Kayden has been learning new words and phrases every day. My favourite lately is, "Wow! What's that?!" which is usually referring to something she sees in a book. I also love how she says "bye!" so readily, even when she's just leaving a room or going for a nap :)

Yay pony tail! Hehe. Cutest :)

I'm going to have been married for 10 years in May. How is that even possible? Seems like just yesterday we were engaged and saying, "time is going so slow right now! But before we know it, we will be married and celebrating our 10 year anniversary." Uh. Yeah. 

Favourite. 

More favourite. 

Levi has been a difficult 4 year old so far, just like he was a difficult 3 year old and difficult 2 year old. He can be SO delightful. But he also spends a fair amount of time throwing angry fits, making his sister cry, and just doing things he knows he's not supposed to do (or more often refusing to do things he has been asked to do). It's tricky and I usually feel like I'm a failure as a mom. But I see how Kayden is responding to the same parenting and am realizing that he's just a strong-willed/spirited/whatever-you-want-to-call-it child. And not even the worst in the spectrum of strong-willed children because really he has entire days that are good. But so many days are just hard. Everything feels like a fight on those days. And a fight we're losing because he is just.so.stubborn. I love him to bits. And/but he certainly inspires me to seek God's parenting wisdom!

Kids holding toothbrushes from the public health nurse. Kayden in the middle of potty training so no pants. Sorry. Believe it or not, this picture was not posed. Stuff like this just happens when Kayden is around and Levi copies :)

Levi was telling me about Santa today and I was trying to convince him that there is no real Santa. We've never talked about Santa, and certainly never tried to make him believe, but he is convinced that Santa is real. Haha. So...I wonder what Christmas will bring this year. Oh, and he also wants to dress up as Santa for Halloween because he thinks it would be funny to have Santa at Halloween :)

This is what Sunday afternoons are good for :)

My little farmer girl. This pic is from months ago but I don't think I ever shared it. What a cutie :)

Potty Training - day 3

I've always known that all kids are different. But the longer I have two kids, the more I just keep realizing what that actually looks like!

When I potty trained Levi, he was basically done with accidents by after his afternoon nap on day one. Day two was just spent practicing the new skill and by day 3 he was more-or-less accident free!

Here we are on day 3 with Kayden. She is a few weeks younger than Levi was when I trained him, but it is a completely different experience with her...and I'm sure it would have been even if I'd waited a couple weeks until they were exactly the same age!

Day 1 with Kayden saw the progress of not even noticing that something was happening when she had an accident at the beginning of the day to walking to the bathroom after the accident. She also learned the word "potty." Cute.

Day 2 started out rough because I was SO tired and Levi was tired of so much attention going to Kayden and not to him.  The day evened out behaviour-wise - yay! But as far as potty training went, we were in exactly the same place at the end of the day as at the beginning. There were some successes on the potty but they were no more intentional than the accidents on the floor. She just happened to be in the right place at the right time and distracted enough to just "let it happen." Of course we cheered and danced when she peed on the potty, but more often than not it was dribble on floor-->go to potty-->nothing-->dribble on floor-->go to potty-->nothing. (Continue trend until bladder is empty...)

Day 3 has been more of the same. There is just no bladder control. It's like she doesn't understand which muscle controls that action. Except that she has become quite good at stopping herself and going to the bathroom after an accident. But she can't make herself finish on the potty. The only time she pees on the potty is when she gets distracted and it just happens. So after a few accidents this morning and the realization that it wasn't going anywhere, I got out the diapers. I am confident that she won't refuse potty training next time because we got the diapers out this time - that's just not her personality. If we had gotten out the diapers again after packing them away with Levi (if he hadn't caught on so quickly), he would have been more likely to want to get the diapers out every time he got tired of peeing on the potty. But I think Kayden, in about 6-8 weeks, will be much more physically ready to be trained.

In the meanwhile, I am treating her diapers like panties, pulling them up and down instead of laying her down to change her (unless there's a big mess, of course!). I'm taking her pee before nap and bed...and throughout the day. I'll be doing my best to keep her in a dry diaper so she realizes how uncomfortable a wet diaper is. And I'll keep asking her to tell me when she needs to pee. I just couldn't handle any more messes on the floor with no progress to be seen! It truly is all about knowing your kid and following their cues. And if you're not sure, there's no harm in giving something a try and then backing off and giving it more time once you see the results. I'm glad I tried it. I'm excited to try again!

Potty Training - day 2

Yesterday was an excellent day of potty training. We mostly had accidents, but after supper there was a great success...well, maybe not great but enough to enourage me! 

Throughout the course of yesterday, Kayden went from being completely oblivious (not even noticing that she was standing in a puddle the first time) to, at the end of the day, saying "uh-oh" when she had an accident and heading for the toilet by herself. She also says "potty" now :) 

The second day of training this time around has just been exhausting. I didn't have a great night sleep (one unsettled kid at 1am and early morning) so I'm tired. And Levi is feeling the lack of attention on him and extra attention on Kayden, which is hard on him - and therefore hard on me. And Kayden seems to be in the same place as yesterday (uh-oh's after the fact and not much happening on the potty). All that makes me wish I hadn't started yesterday.  I could be enjoying a beautiful 20*C day at home with no plans but instead I'm inside following around my toddler, reminding her to tell me when she needs to go, and trying to distract her from her many "side?" (outside?) requests. I won't lie, I have thought about just pulling out the diapers and trying again in December. But...but. What will make day 2 more fun next time around? 

So I'm sticking with it. Yesterday was fun and exciting. Today feels like drudgery. Hopefully we will see some big progress by tonight so that tomorrow we can be a bit more back to routine. Oh the joys of potty training. Now you know, even I, who started out excited, have bad days in the midst of training. Here's hoping it pays off!

Confession: I may or may not have put my babe in the tub for a little bit of a potty training break just now. It's been a long morning :)

Potty Training - Kid 2

For those of you who don't want to hear about potty training, this post (and possibly the next couple) won't be for you. Now you can't say you weren't warned :)

First off, I just want to set a few things straight. I have heard people bash the idea of potty training early ("early" being pre-24 months) and the moms who do it. They say that the moms do it to show off. They say that the moms just want to make themselves and/or their kids look smarter...more advanced...more accomplished. Well, if this is you, listen closely: 

I am potty training my 20 month old because I did it with my son and it worked. Amazingly.

I am potty training now because right now she doesn't have an attitude that I know will be huge(r) while she's two and three. 

I'm potty training now because she hasn't learned to say "no!" and be completely uncooperative yet.

I'm potty training now because she still wants to help, to do everything to please me, and to work for my praise. 

I'm potty training now because I enjoy the potty training process and, frankly, I just couldn't wait to get started!

So, it was kind of a spur of the moment decision to start today. I haven't had a chunk of 3 uninterrupted days at home for months. I have been waiting for a window of opportunity to open up. This morning, Kayden really didn't want a diaper on so I mentally checked the next few days and realized that I have time! I told her that we were going to pack up her diapers and say bye-bye to them and only pee on the potty now. 

Levi took the box of diapers downstairs for us and Kayden kept saying "bye! Stairs..." all morning. I spent the morning reminding her to tell me when she needed to go and I feel like we've made some progress! The first time she had an accident, I took her to the potty and sat her on it and she was so tense/upset at being put on the potty. She didn't like it AT ALL. But by the end of the morning we had made 6 trips to the bathroom (yes, I'm pumping juice boxes through her like mad to make for lots of "teachable moments"!) and she was actually happy to sit there and "finish," then clean up the accident with me. 

She's down for a nap now. I use some cloth diaper liners/soakers inside her panties for sleeping to save her entire bed from needing to be washed a couple times a day/night. I call it her "night-night panties" so she doesn't feel like she's wearing a diaper. With Levi, this is all I needed to do for night-time training and within a month he was waking up dry. Crossing my fingers for the same luck this time because I have no idea how to go about night time training if it doesn't come naturally!  

So that's been the morning! It's actually kind of fun...it's an excuse to do absolutely no housework and pay undivided attention to the kids all.day.long!  It is usually tiring to do that because I have a list of things that also need to be done around the house. (I find it exhausting to feel like I'm constantly being pulled in two different directions) But when a day is set aside for a specific purpose, I don't know. I guess it just gives me extra energy to play! Here's hoping that a couple days from now we can say that we're officially diaper-free!!

P.s - if you want to read more about the 3 day potty training method that I'm using, just google it and you should be able to find some info on it. I know there's an ebook to purchase but you may find the gyst of it and maybe a few pointers anyway. Or you can keep following along here and ask me any questions you may have. I don't have all the answers but I have used it once before (though it was 2+ years ago already!). 

Cloud dough

When I was a new parent, I was like all new parents...I wasn't afraid of a little extra work on my part for the sake of my child's happiness. In simple terms: I was all for messy games.

Enter, cloud dough:

Why do the things my children enjoy most have to require the most cleanup afterward??

This particular activity promised "easy cleanup" (which was irrelevant to me two years ago when I first made this stuff) but boy is that wrong. This activity may require the most cleanup out of everything, except maybe puddle jumping. This stuff gets everywhere!  Table, floor, and toys that enter the scene need to be washed, clothes need to be washed, kids bathed. This is the full deal, people. And while it wasn't daunting the first time or two, now with two kids and supper to make, orders to make and ship, and laundry to fold...it feels like a lot of extra work.

But look at this face (my look of concentration was passed down to her, apparently!)...

How can I say no?!

On days like today when the kids have been so incredibly good, and Levi finds the cloud dough and asks ever so nicely if he can play with it, I don't have the heart to say no. And when Kayden sees what Levi is doing, playing with pom-poms and pipe cleaners suddenly isn't good enough and she wants in on the action too. So here I am, with a mixture of flour and baby oil spread out all over my dining room table and two kids, who will need to be bathed yet before supper. But they are happy and so I'm happy. Today the mess just doesn't matter and I smile as I see the focus on those little faces as they scoop and dump and make a mess. Because before I know it, they'll be all grown up and in school and I'll miss the days when I had little mess-makers to spend my days with. 

So enjoy the coud dough today, my children, for tomorrow we clean. 

Cloud Dough:

Mix equal parts flour and baby oil (or coconut oil?)

This stuff keeps for years, as long as you don't use an oil that goes rancid such as olive or veggie. Whether you want it to last that long, though, is another question completely ;)

Ahead or behind??

As you all know, I've got two kids now. I have had for 18 months already. There's something very different about parenting child #2 than child #1. I don't mean to parent differently...I just do! It's the nature of having two children of different ages to take care of instead of just one!

I get the babycenter emails every week, the ones that tell you where your child might be at developmentally at each stage in the game. With Levi, I kept thinking, "oh! He's only supposed to be doing that now?? He's been doing that for weeks already!" And now with Kayden, I find that I'm always thinking that's she's just not there yet. (That's assuming I open up the emails every week...who has the time!) 

There are two very good reasons for this (probably more!). One: she's her own person and does things at her own pace. I'm ok with that. That's great and I'm not concerned. Two: I'm less inclined to be thinking ahead with number #2. With Levi, I was always looking at the toys and games and puzzles that he had yet to grow into and was constantly wondering if he was old enough to play with them yet. I had lots of time and he was the only one to focus on so naturally he was trying new things as soon as possible. Now with Kayden I find that I am more preoccupied and suddenly realize (usually after the fact) that she would love a toy that I'd put away once Levi was done with it. So I pull it out and sure enough, she's ready for whatever it may be!  

I feel a little guilty that Kayden isn't getting as much 1 on 1 attention as Levi got, or being quite as stretched developmentally, but I keep telling myself that it's not necessarily a bad thing! She isn't being neglected, she doesn't receive any less love or care or attention. It's just in a different form than what Levi got at this age. And it's all good. 

So what if she doesn't play with puzzles until she's 19 months and Levi was putting together 20-piece-ers by the time he was walking?? (Ok, that may be an exaggeration) My goal as a mom isn't to get each of my kids to meet milestones at the same time as their siblings, and to always be pushing them to be ahead of the game. My goal is to love them and give them what they need. To give them opportunities to grow and to trust my instincts when they tell me whether or not the kids are ready for something or not. 

Kayden will have a different experience with my parenting than Levi and if there are more kids, they will each have their unique experience. I just have to say, though, I'm understanding why the last child in a family tends to be babied longer than the older kids. It's not necessarily intentional!  It may just be that the parents are so busy that they don't realize what's happening! So if my last baby is still sleeping in a crib when I take him to kindergarten, or using diapers in grade 5...just let it be. Eventually I'll clue in and realize that my baby has grown up. :)