It was just over four weeks ago now that something big started happening. In the past four weeks, Nathan has announced that he's leaving his job and we've made steps toward some big changes for our family. This may sound sudden, but it has been coming for a while. Well...we've known that SOMETHING has been coming, we just haven't known what.
It all started (for me) a year ago January. At that point, Nathan was going through a rough time in his job and, like many people do when things are especially rough at work, he was wondering if it was time to move on. At that point, I was completely opposed to moving. We had just finished major renovations in our home, the home on the acreage we'd bought so we could put down roots in this area. I felt I deserved the security of living in a place long-term, of knowing that we would be here for years and years, until the kids graduated and they started bringing home grandchildren for us to love. After having moved around our entire married life, not spending more than 4 years in one place, I was ready to just be in one place. So when Nathan started questioning the length of our time in Watrous, I panicked. I didn't want to move. I wouldn't.
My gut reaction to Nathan's questions about moving really brought to light some unhealthy attitudes in my heart. No, it turned out that it wasn't the right time for us to move. But for me to be clinging to the life I felt WE had built, that we deserved, with white knuckles and not even considering that God might have something else for us...what does that say about what/who I was serving? Talk about uncomfortable! Having my idolatry become that clear? Oh boy...
And yet, in the midst of my shame, I didn't feel that the shame was put on me by God. I felt incredible grace when I went before God and confessed my struggle with the thought of moving. And I heard God begin to work on me and tell me that it's not wrong to enjoy this acreage, this home. It's not wrong to not want to move. This place and time is a gift that God wants us to enjoy. It only becomes a negative thing when we cling to it and think we are entitled to it, rather than holding it loosely, with open arms. It was incredibly helpful for me to hear this. This place is a gift for us to enjoy as long as we're here. And then, when it's time to let it go, God will continue to provide for us. And it will be good. How incredibly freeing is that?
This was no quick or easy lesson to learn. It only takes a few paragraphs to write, but in reality, it was weeks and months of struggle and pain to finally "hear" this. In fact, at many points through this period of time, I felt frustrated and like God was especially distant and quiet. It was in looking back that I recognized His voice and could clearly understand what He was saying to and teaching me. I think we often expect to hear God in certain ways. We think that if we sit in silence with our Bibles open, God will suddenly speak. Maybe we think that if we spend enough time with other believers, God will speak through them. Yes, God speaks in these ways. But I don't think we can limit God. Part of getting to know God (continually) is learning to recognize the many ways in which He speaks. The still, small voice is not always a voice like we might expect. But I do think that God makes himself clear to his children if we are listening. His children know His voice...if we take the time to listen to the voice and get to know it.
So listen. Give God room to speak and give yourself room to listen. Allow silence into your life. Spend time with other children of God. Spend time in the Word. Allow yourself to go into those difficult places in your life. Think. And ponder. And journal. And sing. And worship. Go out into nature. Explore the ways in which you can hear God and how He wants to speak to you.
When I sat down to write this blog post, I totally expected to get to what the first paragraph hints at but it went another direction and I think that's ok. It's an important part of the bigger story so I'll leave it here for today and come back to it soon and share more about where our family is headed.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
Part Two
In case you missed Part One:
Throughout the summer (sabbatical) last year, Nathan was able to spend some time working at camp, reading more than he usually has the opportunity to, and meeting with other pastors and mentors. He had hours on the mower to listen to podcasts and pray. We had evenings unending to talk together and relax together and explore what God created us to do. It was a beautiful time, truly a gift that the church gave us.
As Nathan headed back to work last fall, we were excited about trying to integrate more of Nathan's passions into the job description and perhaps delegate some of the other things to people in the church who have more of a passion for those things. We were hopeful that the something God had planted in our minds would be a shift in job description that would allow Nathan to find life and joy in his current job. Nathan is especially passionate about teaching and mentoring, about walking with people toward God. He enjoys preaching. And he's found that youth ministry isn't as energizing as it once was. As much as he loves the youth that he works with, his passions seem to be shifting. (Not so much all-nighters, late nights, and weekend events...what?!) The more we tried to work on shifting some of Nathan's roles, the more we were realizing that those areas were covered quite capably in the church and that what the church really needs is someone who actually has passion for the job Nathan was originally hired to do. There are so many kids who will be entering the youth age in the next few years...the church really needs someone who is excited and has passion about that age group.They don't need another teaching pastor.
So where would that leave us? We went back and forth for months...do we just push through and keep doing what we're doing? After all, Nathan has had years of youth pastor experience...he could practically do the job in his sleep. But does the church want to employ someone who is half asleep...especially in youth ministry? Mmm, probably not. So do we look for something else? The thought of pushing through for the sake of staying in the same (amazing/wonderful/supportive) church and community was tempting...but where does that leave us spiritually? Plus, we still had this nagging sense that there was something coming. All summer we weren't sure if this elusive something was just a shift within our church or if it was a bigger something than that. The further into fall routine we got, the greater our sense that something was, indeed, something else...but we couldn't quite figure out what.
As we put out feelers and tentatively thought about some different options, we had a hard time finding anything that sounded like that was it. At one point, Nathan was talking with a mentor and the question came up of whether he would leave his current job without knowing what was coming next. At that point, Nathan was pretty quick to say that he didn't feel like he could do that. Needless to say, I was very relieved to hear that this was his answer! With three young kids and a baby on the way, it didn't seem like the best decision to walk away from the one pay cheque we have and trade it in for...umm...a whole lot of who-knows-what!
Time continued to move forward. One option that we were quite seriously exploring through the winter, one we thought must be it, started to look like maybe it wasn't actually it. Red flags kept popping up and we kept questioning whether they were signs to back away or risks worth taking for the sake of following God. We just kept feeling more uneasy about this potential so when we got official word that someone else had been hired, we were both relieved and felt peace. That hadn't been for us. But at this point it had been a year since we started sensing that there was something coming. It had been a year since we'd started to feel God working on us and speaking to us and preparing us for what was next. So why was it still so unclear?
Fast forward a couple days past Nathan getting the phone call about not getting the job we'd been waiting to hear about: Nathan as away volunteering at an MB Mission youth program called Soar and threw out the following text to me: "what if we took a year to just travel and homeschool and do some sort of missions?" I replied instantly with an enthusiastic "YES!" See, we had been debating how to apply to other churches within the conference while currently working at one. And even if we found a way to do this without it being awkward, did we even feel like another church was where we were supposed to be? When pastoring is all you've done, it's easy to assume that if you're feeling a nudge from the Holy Spirit, it must surely be to another congregation. And sure, the job description might be closer to what Nathan was passionate about, but I know that I didn't feel a huge peace about just applying for other pastoral positions. If we were going to be working in a church, I wanted to be at the church where we already were. I didn't want to trade in one pastoral position for another one. We love our church and don't want to leave. Plus, it just didn't seem...right. So when Nathan mentioned a year's break from life (so to speak) to do something completely different and discern what might be next, it just seemed to click. Nathan got talking with some people at Soar/MB Mission and the idea of Trek came up. Trek is an MB Mission program where people can go for 6-8 month mission experiences. It is usually single 20-somethings who apply for the program but we were assured that they do accept families and that, in fact, right then there were two other families right in our province with kids our kids' ages who were interested! Hmm...this was all starting to sound...like it had been pre-planned for us? Like maybe this was an option that we needed to at least look into?
Within the week (and may I mention, only 5 weeks ago now), we had met with one of the organizers for Trek missions and she was very excited and encouraging. We prayed with a few people who gave us a verse about not fearing (I think that one was especially for me!) and told us of a vision they had of a curtain in front of us with a hole just the right size for peeking through and that we were being invited to look through and see what was on the other side. After a year of sensing this something, a peek through a curtain seemed very welcome! The more Nathan and I talked and prayed about this possibility, the more we couldn't deny the way it seemed like it had all been laid out for us.
As we talked more about the details of this venture, we kept getting the sense that this would mean leaving job and home and just going. Going...without knowing what was next. (Cue words of mentor ringing in our heads...would you leave your job without knowing what is next...without knowing where the next paycheque is coming from?) We would take turns over the next few days and weeks asking each other if we really needed to leave Nathan's job, if we really needed to sell the house. Maybe we could keep them in our back pocket somehow and have something to fall back on if we suddenly found ourselves homeless?? But we kept coming back to the same conclusion. If we get the sense that God is asking us if we are willing to step out in faith and obedience, who are we to think we need to have a backup plan? We both have a clear sense that to be truly obedient in this situation...if we're going to really DO this, we need to give up everything - our "everything" being job and beautiful acreage - and just go. We need to step out and trust that God will catch us and provide for us and our family.
Now, an interesting part of this whole journey is that we have always felt like we had a choice in this. We have never felt like God is forcing us to do this or that he would be disappointed in us if we chose to stay. We feel like God would continue to bless our ministry here. We feel like God would continue to love us the way he always has and that he wouldn't be disappointed in us if we chose the "safer" way of just hanging tight in our home and community and job. But, we also know how we've felt this past year, having the sense of something coming and how excited that has made us. How alive we have felt when we have dreamed and wondered about what it might be. To be able to use our passions and gifts FULLY, without feeling hindered by job description or anything else...how FREEING. How EXCITING! How can we not jump in with both feet? Sure, it's scary. (Especially at 3am when I'm up to pee for the fifth time and I can't fall asleep again because I'm thinking about how much needs to be done before we leave and how we're having a baby in less than a month and how we need to sell the house and find a good home for our Lennox and how are we going to pay for this and will our family be safe and where will we live after Trek is done and what will life look like a year from now???) But I have to say, every morning I wake up and feel peace. Joy. I have no doubt that this is the right decision. Yes, it seems crazy. But it also seems crazy to say "no thanks" to what God is offering for the sake of "safety." Besides, isn't safety a little bit relative? If we were to choose logistical safety...a steady paycheque and home and safe country to live in and good school for the kids...and risk our spiritual well-being, what good is that? What is more important? I would rather know that we're in the very place God has for us, despite some risks, than to be in a place that is good and comfortable (and not without risks of its own!) and feel this nagging sense of there being something else we should be doing.
It's all very hard to describe, so I hope I've done an alright job. Like I've said, this has all been building for the past year or more so to try to condense this whole journey into a conversation just seems impossible. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask! Send me a message and I'll do my best to answer. I'll condense the details (the ones we know...there are still many blanks for us too!) below before I sign off today. We have received so much support throughout the announcing of this next step for us which has been reassuring. It's always nice to feel the body of Christ surround you and lift you up, even if you're already sure of what you're doing and where you're going. To have others encourage you and pray and say "we can see God working in this" is incredibly reassuring! Please continue to pray. I'm sure there will be many more moments of "what are we doing??" and "maybe we should just stay?" before we actually head out and many prayers for peace and details to fall into place would be so appreciated!
Who: Nathan, Niki, son, daughter, daughter, baby
What: MB Mission's Trek program
Where: at this point we are in conversation with a mission in Mexico (Guadalajara)...there would be a couple weeks of training in lovely old Winnipeg before we head south
When: Nathan will continue his work at the church until end of July or so, then will be off for a bit of family time until October when we will head to Manitoba and then on to Mexico after that. We anticipate we will be back on "home soil" again next April(??)
Why: again, see above
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
A peek into my mind as a stay at home mom...
I wrote this last night but figured I would wait until the light of day to see if I still have the guts to share it. Everyone wants to feel like they're good at what they do, and moms are no exception. But when there's no job description or even much time for stepping back for some perspective, it can be tough.
"I always forget just how out-of-it I feel at various points in the first year after having a baby. I go through depression, exhaustion, guilt, lack of motivation, discouragement - and of course love and joy that burst through my chest, and moments of peace too. But those negative ones always take me by surprise and make me feel like I've always been like this and like I always will be. It's hard. Those hormones get to my mind every time. I wish they wouldnt. It's so hard to be a good mom when you don't always feel like you have a clear mind. I feel overwhelmed by stuff and I know that it really shouldn't be getting to me like that. Or the kids will ask to do a simple activity like paint and it'll feel like they've asked me to climb a mountain. Why is it so hard? I don't feel like I'm that tired or draggy. I always pictured myself as the mom who drew no limits when it came to kids and crafts/activities and their creativity. And yet, they're at the stage right now where they need so much help and don't have long attention spans so I barely have time to get them set up and it's time to start cleaning up already because they're done. I also feel like I'm constantly being pulled in at least 2-3 different directions at once. It's not unusual to have supper going on the stove, Maddie crying in her crib because she doesn't want to nap, Kayden at my feet saying "I want you to HOLD me!" and then Levi asking me to watch something or read something or just poking Kayden to get her to scream. In those moments I just feel like it's too much. If I go to Maddie, supper will either burn or be pushed later. If I let her cry, her nap will be even later and it will be harder to get her to sleep because she will be that much more tired. If I let supper go later, I've got two other grumpy kids and chances are, Nathan has a meeting to get to so supper needs to happen at a certain time. I can't very easily hold Kayden while I'm cooking but that's most often when she asks to be held and I don't want her to feel like I always say "not now." Levi is the least of my worries but he's insistent so finally I snap at him then feel bad because all he wanted is a bit of attention. I love the chaos and it also feels like too much sometimes. It makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. How can you love something that makes you so crazy? I don't know.
"Today my one goal was to clean Levi's room. If I'd used quiet time for it, it probably could have taken half an hour. But instead I chose to use quiet time to do some computer stuff which is harder to do while kids are awake. And Levi's room ended up taking all day. Between a couple loads of laundry, getting meals and snacks, reading stories, taking potty, nursing Maddie, putting kids down for naps, feeding animals, burning garbage, dressing kids, changing diapers, doing Kayden's hair...there were only snippets of time here and there to do it. And when the kids are around where I'm working...well, I hold Maddie because she's fussy but then only have one hand to clean. I sort things into piles but the kids always find interesting things in the piles and then they aren't piles anymore. I need to move something across the room and there are little bodies in the way. I also hoped to clean the disaster that is the basement (has been for a month or so) but that didn't get touched. *sigh*
"It's hard to know if you're doing a good job as a mother. Your kid has trouble in school and you wonder if it's your fault. Your daughter is sad and wants to go to bed without lunch - is she just tired or is she sad because you don't spend enough time with her? I try to take time to be attentive to the kids, to read them stories and to listen to them but there's a lot of work to do in running a house too. Some things just need to get done. I try to involve them where I can - baking, cleaning...but they don't always want to do what needs to be done and I sometimes just want to get something done without "help." I wish the lack of accomplishments in a day and the number of piles of clutter were an indication of the time I've poured into my children instead. And while I know that's exactly what the piles and unfinished projects are, I always fear that the kids still feel like I'm too busy. Where's the balance? My work and my life are one and the same. There is no "40 hours a week" when it comes to raising children and making a home. No job description to tell you how you're doing, to measure yourself against. I hope that our children will look back on happy childhoods. I hope that they will be well-adjusted adults. I hope that they will know how much I love them. I hope that they will feel like I always had time for them. The most I can do is try my best every day and hope that I'm not making any huge mistakes. Oh that my children would be able to say:
"We always knew she loved us.
"She always had time to listen.
"We each knew we were her favourite."
I didn't write this for sympathy or in hopes that anything will change. I just know that I often feel alone in this chaos but know that there must be other moms out there who feel the same way. Be encouraged, other moms. Nobody has their life all perfectly together. And if they do, they have children who sleep like angels or they only have one child (because we all know that fewer children automatically means easier - NOT) or they just simply poop unicorns. I'm pretty sure anyone who is a mom feels like their life is running a bit amuck. And I just want all those moms who are falling apart to know that it's ok. And you're not alone.
"Today my one goal was to clean Levi's room. If I'd used quiet time for it, it probably could have taken half an hour. But instead I chose to use quiet time to do some computer stuff which is harder to do while kids are awake. And Levi's room ended up taking all day. Between a couple loads of laundry, getting meals and snacks, reading stories, taking potty, nursing Maddie, putting kids down for naps, feeding animals, burning garbage, dressing kids, changing diapers, doing Kayden's hair...there were only snippets of time here and there to do it. And when the kids are around where I'm working...well, I hold Maddie because she's fussy but then only have one hand to clean. I sort things into piles but the kids always find interesting things in the piles and then they aren't piles anymore. I need to move something across the room and there are little bodies in the way. I also hoped to clean the disaster that is the basement (has been for a month or so) but that didn't get touched. *sigh*
"It's hard to know if you're doing a good job as a mother. Your kid has trouble in school and you wonder if it's your fault. Your daughter is sad and wants to go to bed without lunch - is she just tired or is she sad because you don't spend enough time with her? I try to take time to be attentive to the kids, to read them stories and to listen to them but there's a lot of work to do in running a house too. Some things just need to get done. I try to involve them where I can - baking, cleaning...but they don't always want to do what needs to be done and I sometimes just want to get something done without "help." I wish the lack of accomplishments in a day and the number of piles of clutter were an indication of the time I've poured into my children instead. And while I know that's exactly what the piles and unfinished projects are, I always fear that the kids still feel like I'm too busy. Where's the balance? My work and my life are one and the same. There is no "40 hours a week" when it comes to raising children and making a home. No job description to tell you how you're doing, to measure yourself against. I hope that our children will look back on happy childhoods. I hope that they will be well-adjusted adults. I hope that they will know how much I love them. I hope that they will feel like I always had time for them. The most I can do is try my best every day and hope that I'm not making any huge mistakes. Oh that my children would be able to say:
"We always knew she loved us.
"She always had time to listen.
"We each knew we were her favourite."
I didn't write this for sympathy or in hopes that anything will change. I just know that I often feel alone in this chaos but know that there must be other moms out there who feel the same way. Be encouraged, other moms. Nobody has their life all perfectly together. And if they do, they have children who sleep like angels or they only have one child (because we all know that fewer children automatically means easier - NOT) or they just simply poop unicorns. I'm pretty sure anyone who is a mom feels like their life is running a bit amuck. And I just want all those moms who are falling apart to know that it's ok. And you're not alone.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
This and That
Random fact: We have a story in one of our kids books called "This and That." (blog post title, in case you have no idea what I'm talking about...and you might still have no idea but that's alright) It's about a mother cat on a farm who goes to all the animals and asks if she can use things like straw and feathers and such. And when the animals ask her why she needs the stuff, she always answers, "Oh, this and that." And the last page shows her with her two new kittens named This and That.
Anyhoo...
Potty training. Wow. It has been a process with our girl. I did one day last week where we packed away the diapers and I spent the entire day watching her closely and reminding her to "tell me when you need to pee." She did really well that day and I felt like we were going to have this pants-wetting thing nipped in the bud. BUT...nope. The next day I made salsa. And the day after that I made more salsa. And then it was Sunday and we were pooped (not literally...oh wait. maybe literally...). Monday came and I was helping Nathan with the ceiling a bit and doing stuff around the house. Tuesday I was busy around the house doing who knows what. And that was a lot of days when I wasn't watching her closely. Many accidents. Many, many loads of laundry. And a girl who doesn't seem to feel it coming, doesn't seem to mind being wet, and will NOT tell us when she needs to go or even when she's had an accident. It's quite frustrating to say the least.
me - "Kayden, tell me when you need to pee!"
K - "Alright."
me - "Kayden, doesn't it feel yucky to have wet pants?"
K - "Nopers!"
Alrighty then. I guess I'll just change your pants whenever I notice that telltale dark spot on the back. Ugh.
I'm thinking I'll need to change my approach. Perhaps tomorrow I will start setting a timer and she will be required to try to pee on the potty every hour or so. If she succeeds, maybe I'll give her two hours before she has to try again. Prizes haven't worked. She just says she doesn't want whatever it is that I'm trying to bribe her with. Potty celebration dances don't work. Huge amounts of praise don't work. Doing it because it just feels better to have dry pants doesn't work. (she loves all those things but will still choose to wet her pants if she doesn't feel like going on the potty) So I'm hoping that if I can get her used to the feeling of dry pants for a few days in a row, maybe she will start to notice that being wet feels icky and be more motivated to work at it. She's such a mystery, that girl.
Speaking of mysteries, Maddie. Sleep. Her sleep is a mystery to me. Why won't she close her eyes and sleep?? It seems like the only time she will close her eyes and fall asleep is when she is so tired that she physically cannot keep her eyes open any longer. I see her eyelids drooping and then I see her little forehead wrinkle and eyebrows go up in an effort to hold her eyes open just a few.seconds.longer... JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SLEEP! You can lead a horse to water. You can even shove their face in it. But it looks like I've got a horse that doesn't drink, even when her throat is dry as a desert.
But as frustrating as Maddie's going to sleep habits are, I must say that she's a pretty good sleeper once she finally gives in to it. I don't know that either of our other kids gave us a 9 hour stretch by 10 weeks old. I'm pretty sure neither of them gave us a 9 hour stretch before they were 12 months old! (Who am I kidding..."us"? Nathan sleeps just fine. It's me who is up with the little lady multiple times a night! Forget sleeping like a baby, I want to sleep like a husband! - yes, I stole that from a shirt. But it's SO true)
So this is what my life is these days. Sleep, pee, kindergarten (but I know how shy Levi is and he probably wouldn't want me to post about him and kindergarten much so I won't...Maddie and Kayden...for some reason I just don't think they mind quite as much. Maybe by the time they're 5, they'll mind too and I'll pull back my recounting of their lives via blog). Sometimes I wonder if I should be a working mom. There are moments when I wonder if what I do is really profitable. Valuable. Maybe I'm wasting these years of my life by staying at home and not pushing myself more to get out of the house and use my brain in a different way at least a couple days a week. But you know...then I stop and think about it some more. Some people would feel like they're wasting away if they spent every day doing what I do. But who's to say that working a job or using your mind for something other than homemaking is more valuable? What's important here? Should I take my kids to daycare while I work a job I hate (or enjoy, but that's beside the point) just because I feel like I'm more valued in society if I do that? I think, when it comes right down to it, it's about what God has led each of us to do and what makes us feel fulfilled. What is life-giving to you? Is it to work a job? Then do it with everything you've got! Is it to work part time and stay home with the kids part time? Awesome! Or is what's most life-giving to you to be free to throw yourself into your home and family every hour of the day? Then do it and take great joy in it! No guilt. No inferiority. Just huge amounts of blessing in whatever you do if you're doing it for the right reasons!
I was wondering the other day about whether I was getting "dumb" because I stay at home. I loved maths and sciences in school. Math especially. Calculus was my favourite. It gave me headaches. It stretched my mind. And I loved it. Physics too. And chemistry. Equations. Formulas. Aah...the subjects where there is a clear right and wrong answer. Black and white. Everything can be neat and tidy when there are right and wrong answers. None of this grey business (though I recognize that there is a ton of grey in life and I embrace that there is - it would be wrong to insist otherwise...just wouldn't it be easier if everything could be put in a clean and organized pile? mmm...piles...) Anyway, off topic. I don't do any of that anymore (maths/sciences). But I realized that I AM still using my mind. I'm not using it in an academic way (who says academia is the only important place in the world?) but I am using it. I do problem solving every.single.day. I spend hours wondering why my baby isn't sleeping....still.isn't.sleeping...why isn't she sleeping yet? I analyze her schedule and her sleep cues and tweak this and that until it works. I pore over details of my two year old's personality, trying to figure out why she doesn't care to use the potty and what might motivate her to choose porcelain over fabric for her elimination needs. I wonder why my 5 year old is so shy and why he won't speak or let people see who he is and wonder how I can help him grow to be confident. (oh wait, he's just like me...) I search my mental database on a regular basis for the perfect stain treatment to get out various stains from my children's (and husband's) clothes. I am constantly learning new things about the best way to clean something or cook something or make something. I am no gourmet cook, but I have learned many things about cooking since I got married and rarely use recipes anymore - unless I'm baking. There's something about baking that just doesn't turn out quite right if you don't have the right amount of baking soda or flour or whatever...and I just haven't mastered the "feel" of baking without a recipe yet. Gardening...I'm still in the beginning stages of learning what works and what doesn't and all that is involved in getting a good crop year after year. How are these things any less valuable than things you learn in a classroom? I submit that they are not. I don't care that some people don't value home-making as a full time job. I am going to rock home-making out of this world!
So there.
Speaking of homemaking...our house is a disaster (though I do believe making a HOME and taking care of a HOUSE can be two different things...but I digress). Here's a random story for you...because it's late and I ramble pointlessly when I'm tired. We had someone stop by unannounced this morning (the risk of getting a new phone number and people still having the old number in their phone) and I was SO embarrassed at the state of our house. There was a pile of tomatoes on the kitchen floor because I'd just been sorting out the red tomatoes from the green to make pizza sauce today. There were dirty diapers on the floor because I hadn't taken them downstairs to the diaper pail yet that morning. There were crayons on the floor, papers from kids colouring all over the floor, half-eaten breakfast on the table, a random pair of ear muffs for mowing the lawn on the floor, a pile of random junk on a shelf by the door, some lawn chairs leaning against the wall in our dining room, the table covered with random stuff, socks on the floor by the door, plastic bags laying around, a drill, a broom, random furniture here and there. There was stuff EVERYWHERE. And that's often how our house is these days. I usually try to tidy up if I know someone is coming over but today there was no warning. And it was fine because I'm sure she (wonderful lady, has grown kids of her own) knows we're in the middle of renos (it takes so much more time and energy to clean up when you have to FIND a place for everything rather than just return it to it's designated spot, am I right?!) and have young kids who make messes faster than I can clean them up and am in the middle of dealing with huge amounts of garden produce and have a baby who doesn't sleep which means that my usual tidy-up time in the evening is spent bouncing an overtired baby. BUT...it was hard to let her see that. I always took pride in the way our house looked. I felt like it was a direct representation of how well I was doing my job. It's as if people were thinking "you stay home all day, why WOULDN'T your house be spotless?" To that I say, wouldn't a house be more spotless if nobody was there all day? Just sayin'. ;)
Anyway... Yeah. Messy house. It drives me nuts. I think of it because I'm sitting here typing in the midst of it instead of spending the night tidying up. Haha. Yup. But that's probably enough pointless rambling for one night. If you've read this far, nice work.
One last random thought for you this evening...why did Apple make such sharp edges on the bottom of their laptops? I'm using a MacBook and the skin on the inside of my forearms is raw from the edge of the laptop cutting into my skin. Seriously Apple, you do so many things well but that edge...make it a little rounder, k?
Anyhoo...
Potty training. Wow. It has been a process with our girl. I did one day last week where we packed away the diapers and I spent the entire day watching her closely and reminding her to "tell me when you need to pee." She did really well that day and I felt like we were going to have this pants-wetting thing nipped in the bud. BUT...nope. The next day I made salsa. And the day after that I made more salsa. And then it was Sunday and we were pooped (not literally...oh wait. maybe literally...). Monday came and I was helping Nathan with the ceiling a bit and doing stuff around the house. Tuesday I was busy around the house doing who knows what. And that was a lot of days when I wasn't watching her closely. Many accidents. Many, many loads of laundry. And a girl who doesn't seem to feel it coming, doesn't seem to mind being wet, and will NOT tell us when she needs to go or even when she's had an accident. It's quite frustrating to say the least.
me - "Kayden, tell me when you need to pee!"
K - "Alright."
me - "Kayden, doesn't it feel yucky to have wet pants?"
K - "Nopers!"
Alrighty then. I guess I'll just change your pants whenever I notice that telltale dark spot on the back. Ugh.
I'm thinking I'll need to change my approach. Perhaps tomorrow I will start setting a timer and she will be required to try to pee on the potty every hour or so. If she succeeds, maybe I'll give her two hours before she has to try again. Prizes haven't worked. She just says she doesn't want whatever it is that I'm trying to bribe her with. Potty celebration dances don't work. Huge amounts of praise don't work. Doing it because it just feels better to have dry pants doesn't work. (she loves all those things but will still choose to wet her pants if she doesn't feel like going on the potty) So I'm hoping that if I can get her used to the feeling of dry pants for a few days in a row, maybe she will start to notice that being wet feels icky and be more motivated to work at it. She's such a mystery, that girl.
Speaking of mysteries, Maddie. Sleep. Her sleep is a mystery to me. Why won't she close her eyes and sleep?? It seems like the only time she will close her eyes and fall asleep is when she is so tired that she physically cannot keep her eyes open any longer. I see her eyelids drooping and then I see her little forehead wrinkle and eyebrows go up in an effort to hold her eyes open just a few.seconds.longer... JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SLEEP! You can lead a horse to water. You can even shove their face in it. But it looks like I've got a horse that doesn't drink, even when her throat is dry as a desert.
But as frustrating as Maddie's going to sleep habits are, I must say that she's a pretty good sleeper once she finally gives in to it. I don't know that either of our other kids gave us a 9 hour stretch by 10 weeks old. I'm pretty sure neither of them gave us a 9 hour stretch before they were 12 months old! (Who am I kidding..."us"? Nathan sleeps just fine. It's me who is up with the little lady multiple times a night! Forget sleeping like a baby, I want to sleep like a husband! - yes, I stole that from a shirt. But it's SO true)
So this is what my life is these days. Sleep, pee, kindergarten (but I know how shy Levi is and he probably wouldn't want me to post about him and kindergarten much so I won't...Maddie and Kayden...for some reason I just don't think they mind quite as much. Maybe by the time they're 5, they'll mind too and I'll pull back my recounting of their lives via blog). Sometimes I wonder if I should be a working mom. There are moments when I wonder if what I do is really profitable. Valuable. Maybe I'm wasting these years of my life by staying at home and not pushing myself more to get out of the house and use my brain in a different way at least a couple days a week. But you know...then I stop and think about it some more. Some people would feel like they're wasting away if they spent every day doing what I do. But who's to say that working a job or using your mind for something other than homemaking is more valuable? What's important here? Should I take my kids to daycare while I work a job I hate (or enjoy, but that's beside the point) just because I feel like I'm more valued in society if I do that? I think, when it comes right down to it, it's about what God has led each of us to do and what makes us feel fulfilled. What is life-giving to you? Is it to work a job? Then do it with everything you've got! Is it to work part time and stay home with the kids part time? Awesome! Or is what's most life-giving to you to be free to throw yourself into your home and family every hour of the day? Then do it and take great joy in it! No guilt. No inferiority. Just huge amounts of blessing in whatever you do if you're doing it for the right reasons!
I was wondering the other day about whether I was getting "dumb" because I stay at home. I loved maths and sciences in school. Math especially. Calculus was my favourite. It gave me headaches. It stretched my mind. And I loved it. Physics too. And chemistry. Equations. Formulas. Aah...the subjects where there is a clear right and wrong answer. Black and white. Everything can be neat and tidy when there are right and wrong answers. None of this grey business (though I recognize that there is a ton of grey in life and I embrace that there is - it would be wrong to insist otherwise...just wouldn't it be easier if everything could be put in a clean and organized pile? mmm...piles...) Anyway, off topic. I don't do any of that anymore (maths/sciences). But I realized that I AM still using my mind. I'm not using it in an academic way (who says academia is the only important place in the world?) but I am using it. I do problem solving every.single.day. I spend hours wondering why my baby isn't sleeping....still.isn't.sleeping...why isn't she sleeping yet? I analyze her schedule and her sleep cues and tweak this and that until it works. I pore over details of my two year old's personality, trying to figure out why she doesn't care to use the potty and what might motivate her to choose porcelain over fabric for her elimination needs. I wonder why my 5 year old is so shy and why he won't speak or let people see who he is and wonder how I can help him grow to be confident. (oh wait, he's just like me...) I search my mental database on a regular basis for the perfect stain treatment to get out various stains from my children's (and husband's) clothes. I am constantly learning new things about the best way to clean something or cook something or make something. I am no gourmet cook, but I have learned many things about cooking since I got married and rarely use recipes anymore - unless I'm baking. There's something about baking that just doesn't turn out quite right if you don't have the right amount of baking soda or flour or whatever...and I just haven't mastered the "feel" of baking without a recipe yet. Gardening...I'm still in the beginning stages of learning what works and what doesn't and all that is involved in getting a good crop year after year. How are these things any less valuable than things you learn in a classroom? I submit that they are not. I don't care that some people don't value home-making as a full time job. I am going to rock home-making out of this world!
So there.
Speaking of homemaking...our house is a disaster (though I do believe making a HOME and taking care of a HOUSE can be two different things...but I digress). Here's a random story for you...because it's late and I ramble pointlessly when I'm tired. We had someone stop by unannounced this morning (the risk of getting a new phone number and people still having the old number in their phone) and I was SO embarrassed at the state of our house. There was a pile of tomatoes on the kitchen floor because I'd just been sorting out the red tomatoes from the green to make pizza sauce today. There were dirty diapers on the floor because I hadn't taken them downstairs to the diaper pail yet that morning. There were crayons on the floor, papers from kids colouring all over the floor, half-eaten breakfast on the table, a random pair of ear muffs for mowing the lawn on the floor, a pile of random junk on a shelf by the door, some lawn chairs leaning against the wall in our dining room, the table covered with random stuff, socks on the floor by the door, plastic bags laying around, a drill, a broom, random furniture here and there. There was stuff EVERYWHERE. And that's often how our house is these days. I usually try to tidy up if I know someone is coming over but today there was no warning. And it was fine because I'm sure she (wonderful lady, has grown kids of her own) knows we're in the middle of renos (it takes so much more time and energy to clean up when you have to FIND a place for everything rather than just return it to it's designated spot, am I right?!) and have young kids who make messes faster than I can clean them up and am in the middle of dealing with huge amounts of garden produce and have a baby who doesn't sleep which means that my usual tidy-up time in the evening is spent bouncing an overtired baby. BUT...it was hard to let her see that. I always took pride in the way our house looked. I felt like it was a direct representation of how well I was doing my job. It's as if people were thinking "you stay home all day, why WOULDN'T your house be spotless?" To that I say, wouldn't a house be more spotless if nobody was there all day? Just sayin'. ;)
Anyway... Yeah. Messy house. It drives me nuts. I think of it because I'm sitting here typing in the midst of it instead of spending the night tidying up. Haha. Yup. But that's probably enough pointless rambling for one night. If you've read this far, nice work.
One last random thought for you this evening...why did Apple make such sharp edges on the bottom of their laptops? I'm using a MacBook and the skin on the inside of my forearms is raw from the edge of the laptop cutting into my skin. Seriously Apple, you do so many things well but that edge...make it a little rounder, k?
Monday, July 27, 2015
Madelyn - one month
Madelyn Amia is one month old already. Time has absolutely flown. I can never quite believe how quickly the first month of a baby's life goes by. It always goes faster than the last month of pregnancy. Funny how that works...
I always wonder, before my babies have been born, what they will be like. Will they sleep? Will they be content? Will they eat quickly or slowly? (when you're nursing, this can be a huge one!) Will they have a sensitive stomach and react to everything I eat? Will they smile easily or be more on the serious side? Then they're born and we get to start out on the road of slowly learning who this new person in our family is!
So who is Madelyn (Maddie)? Maddie is so sweet. Her face is quite expressive. My favourite expression of hers comes when she suddenly notices someone's face. She opens her eyes really wide, her eyebrows go up, she pushes her chin back (making the most adorable double chin) and her lips go into a little "o." It is the cutest thing! She also has what we call her "worried look." She truly looks like she is quite concerned about what is going on!
Maddie is quite content, most of the time. She does seem to be my gassiest baby, so that makes her less content when she is awake. But she is a far cry from being colicky so I really can't complain. I haven't been able to figure out yet if her gassiness is due to what I eat or if it has more to do with a funny nursing habit she picked up in her soother days (I banned the soother when I noticed it was affecting her nursing). She swallows a lot of air while nursing which I can only imagine would bother her tummy and produce a LOT of burps, some of which just don't seem to want to come out. But she sleeps well when she's well-burped so that makes me think it has less to do with what I eat and more to do with nursing. Here's hoping we can get this little habit out of the way sooner rather than later. She is a baby who loves to suck so it would be nice to get nursing well-established (aka: beyond the point of picking up bad habits) and be able to introduce the soother again. She is a fairly loud baby in that she grunts and snorts and makes all sorts of noises. The noise I find the funniest is one that sounds like a horse. You know the sound when a horse blows air out of their nose/mouth? Maddie sounds exactly like that sometimes. I think it's usually when she's a little disgruntled, which makes it even funnier! She is starting to hold her head up pretty well on her own, but we still need to be ready for when she gets tired (and faceplants into our shoulder).
Sleep has been as good as I could have hoped for the first month. From the first night home from the hospital, Maddie has been giving me 3-4 hour stretches at night. She goes to bed for the night around 8-9pm and is up to eat at roughly 1am, 4am, and 7am. Her day usually starts around 8-9am, except for one morning when she had me up for the day at 5:45am. Let's not make a habit of that, ok Sweetie? When she wakes during the night, she eats for about 10 minutes and is back in bed asleep 90% of the time. The other 10% she either fills her diaper while eating which requires a change (diaper, pj's, blanket) and more nursing OR she just makes noise for a while after nursing which keeps me awake and sometimes requires a few more burping sessions before she settles again. But overall, night time sleep is good. She also naps pretty well during the day. She sometimes needs to be walked or rocked to sleep but other times she will just closer her eyes and sleep as she lays there or while I hold her. She loves to sleep on her tummy (naps) or propped on her side with rolled blankets (night) and will wake up as soon as we put her down on her back. I sometimes joke that if we need her to be awake, we just need to put her on her back because she will almost inevitably wake up the moment she is put down on her back. Despite what everyone says these days about putting baby BACK to bed (never let them sleep any other way than on their back), this is working for us (and worked for Kayden too) so shh! I watch her like a hawk and enjoy my good sleeper. sidenote: I was just thinking this morning how normal it becomes, in the first few months of a baby's life especially, to check to see if someone is still breathing. What other time in your life do you check multiple times a day to see if someone is breathing? And yet...you have a new baby and suddenly this is quite routine!
Maddie eats well and eats a lot. She is a fast nurser, usually only taking 10-15 minutes for a feed. She eats every two hours during the day, unless she is having a good, long nap in which case she might stretch to 3 hours before waking for a feed. But like I said, at night she goes longer stretches without food, her longest stretch being 6-7 hours. Of course that comes at the beginning of the night and I don't go to bed when she does so I haven't had a stretch of sleep that long since before I was pregnant. BUT...it's amazing how good you feel even with 3-4 hour stretches at a time!
Madelyn has grown a LOT this month. When she was born, she weighed 6lbs 10oz. At her one week checkup (which was actually when she was two weeks old), she weighed 7lbs 4oz. And today (5 weeks or 1 month and 4 days), I did the unofficial step-on-the-scale-with-baby-and-subtract-my-weight weighing and she was 9lbs 7oz. She's starting to put on some chub...her cheeks are filling out and she's starting to get little rolls on her arms and legs. Love it! I'm sure she's stretching longer too because she is already wearing 0-3m or 3 month clothing. The newborn clothes were put away last week. It feels like I just got them out in preparation for her birth and now they're already packed away. I know they grow quickly, but I never really remember just HOW quickly! Slow down and be my newborn a bit longer, Maddie!
Maddie was born with a small amount of dark hair, longer and thicker at the base of her neck and less on top. Throughout this month, she has kept all of the longer, thicker hair at the back and has been balding on top from the front back! Levi did the exact thing when he was her age! But he had his first haircut at 10-11 months old so I'm hoping that this balding means that her hair will come in quickly once it starts! Maddie has had beautifully clear skin this month. No funny baby rashes or anything like that. She still has that soft baby "fuzz" on her arms and back, and those teeny white spots on her nose that say "yup, I'm a newborn!" are still faintly there. Her eyes are still that deep, dark baby blue but I suspect they will be dark brown before too long. Madelyn's look reminds me more of Levi than Kayden. Face shape, eye colour, facial features...they're all just a little more similar to Levi than Kayden. That said, you can tell that our three are related!
Speaking of Levi and Kayden, they both absolutely love her. They don't spend a whole lot of time with her, partly because she doesn't do much yet and partly because a lot of this month has been full of company to keep them entertained. Levi refused to hold Maddie in the hospital, saying that he would hold her when we got home, on the couch. When we got home, we asked if he wanted to hold her and he said he did but he needed to be on the couch. Well, I wasn't moving much yet so finally we convinced him to try holding her on our bed, which he did. And then he said that he needed to hold her every day, once in the morning and once before bed. We had a fun routine going the first couple weeks of Maddie's life where the kids would get all ready for bed and then bring books to our bed where I was with Maddie and the 5 of us would read bedtime stories while Levi held Maddie (and whispered to her, explaining the pictures and what was happening in the story). SO CUTE. Kayden also likes to hold Maddie. They both talk about how soft and small she is when they hold her. Kayden calls her "baby Maddie" and her little voice is just so precious saying her sister's name. Levi is in a phase right now where he doesn't say anyone's name (for example, his grandparents are "Daddy's dad" or "Mommy's mom" and his Auntie Ia is "Mommy's sister") so he has yet to actually say Maddie's name. I'm sure it'll come. I'm excited to see their sibling relationships grow in the coming months and years. I pray that these three get along well and enjoy spending time together for the rest of their lives.
It's always interesting to hear people's comments when they're meeting your new baby. It's especially interesting to hear which comments come most often. We have heard that Maddie "definitely belongs in the family" on numerous occasions. We've been told she's beautiful and so pretty (of course, because she is!). We've had comments about her long fingers too.
We started using cloth diapers during her third week. She was leaking out of newborn disposable diapers so we sized up, hoping for diapers with more soaking capability. Didn't work. She was still leaking out basically every time...which required diaper and clothing and blanket changes about every 2-4 hours, day and night. Finally I was just sick of it and figured if I was doing so much laundry anyway, I may as well do diaper laundry instead. We switched her to cloth and the leaks stopped! This just reinforces my love for cloth diapers. Sure, they're a little bulkier, especially on a newborn. BUT, they're super cute and if we have fewer messes using them? I'm in. I even use cloth covers over disposables when I'm out for a day. I would totally recommend Flip covers by bumGenius! Even if you're not cloth diapering and know you never will, pick up one or two Flip covers and use them when you really can't deal with a leak (like if you're traveling or at a wedding, etc). I had Maddie at a wedding on Saturday and took along disposable diapers for the day and had a cover on top. She filled her diaper during the ceremony and I was a little worried that she'd leaked through her dress - and mine - but when I checked her, the disposable had leaked but the cloth cover had saved us! Worth it. Anyway, enough about diapers.
For our family, this month has been full of holidays, family visiting, and continued house renos. Maddie has been able to sleep through the noise of air compressors, nail guns, saws, and sanders. We have had my sister Alicia (3 weeks), Carrie (4 days), and my parents (2 weeks) here this month. Nathan was home for two and a half weeks after we got home from the hospital. I haven't had to cook, clean, garden, or do yardwork all month. It has been the perfect time to heal and get to know Maddie. I have seen everyone working around me and have felt like I need to do more but as I do more, I feel more and am reminded that c-sections are major surgery and I still need to take it easy, even if I'm feeling good.
Firsts this month...
- first wedding: My cousin got married and Maddie chose to cry through the ceremony. It was an outdoor wedding in a park so I really had no choice but to take her to the other side of the park (very much still within earshot of the ceremony) and try to calm her down. The poor bride had to walk down the aisle to the tune of "screaming infant." (Sorry, Chantelle!) Afterward, people were asking me if it was my baby who was crying during the ceremony and, because I had the only newborn at the wedding, I couldn't deny it. But she was absolutely adorable so nobody minded. After all, what can you do? For the record, she was mostly happy for the rest of the day. Good timing with the tears, Maddie, good timing.
- first smiles! And no, they aren't just gas smiles...not all of them anyway. She doesn't smile every time she looks at you, but she has definitely looked us right in the eyes and given some pretty great smiles in the past week! Love.it.
- first introductions: Maddie has met her parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, and all but one of her uncles and aunts! She has also met much the Reimer side of my extended family as well as some friends and people from church.
- first doctor's appointment: in true Niki fashion, I didn't bring enough diapers to the appointment and had to wrap her in one of those papers that they use to cover the bed in the examining room. Not my finest moment. How does this happen every time I take my newborn in for their first doctor's appointment?!
- first gripe water: not a fan. Jury's still out on whether or not it works...
I always wonder, before my babies have been born, what they will be like. Will they sleep? Will they be content? Will they eat quickly or slowly? (when you're nursing, this can be a huge one!) Will they have a sensitive stomach and react to everything I eat? Will they smile easily or be more on the serious side? Then they're born and we get to start out on the road of slowly learning who this new person in our family is!
So who is Madelyn (Maddie)? Maddie is so sweet. Her face is quite expressive. My favourite expression of hers comes when she suddenly notices someone's face. She opens her eyes really wide, her eyebrows go up, she pushes her chin back (making the most adorable double chin) and her lips go into a little "o." It is the cutest thing! She also has what we call her "worried look." She truly looks like she is quite concerned about what is going on!
Maddie is quite content, most of the time. She does seem to be my gassiest baby, so that makes her less content when she is awake. But she is a far cry from being colicky so I really can't complain. I haven't been able to figure out yet if her gassiness is due to what I eat or if it has more to do with a funny nursing habit she picked up in her soother days (I banned the soother when I noticed it was affecting her nursing). She swallows a lot of air while nursing which I can only imagine would bother her tummy and produce a LOT of burps, some of which just don't seem to want to come out. But she sleeps well when she's well-burped so that makes me think it has less to do with what I eat and more to do with nursing. Here's hoping we can get this little habit out of the way sooner rather than later. She is a baby who loves to suck so it would be nice to get nursing well-established (aka: beyond the point of picking up bad habits) and be able to introduce the soother again. She is a fairly loud baby in that she grunts and snorts and makes all sorts of noises. The noise I find the funniest is one that sounds like a horse. You know the sound when a horse blows air out of their nose/mouth? Maddie sounds exactly like that sometimes. I think it's usually when she's a little disgruntled, which makes it even funnier! She is starting to hold her head up pretty well on her own, but we still need to be ready for when she gets tired (and faceplants into our shoulder).
Sleep has been as good as I could have hoped for the first month. From the first night home from the hospital, Maddie has been giving me 3-4 hour stretches at night. She goes to bed for the night around 8-9pm and is up to eat at roughly 1am, 4am, and 7am. Her day usually starts around 8-9am, except for one morning when she had me up for the day at 5:45am. Let's not make a habit of that, ok Sweetie? When she wakes during the night, she eats for about 10 minutes and is back in bed asleep 90% of the time. The other 10% she either fills her diaper while eating which requires a change (diaper, pj's, blanket) and more nursing OR she just makes noise for a while after nursing which keeps me awake and sometimes requires a few more burping sessions before she settles again. But overall, night time sleep is good. She also naps pretty well during the day. She sometimes needs to be walked or rocked to sleep but other times she will just closer her eyes and sleep as she lays there or while I hold her. She loves to sleep on her tummy (naps) or propped on her side with rolled blankets (night) and will wake up as soon as we put her down on her back. I sometimes joke that if we need her to be awake, we just need to put her on her back because she will almost inevitably wake up the moment she is put down on her back. Despite what everyone says these days about putting baby BACK to bed (never let them sleep any other way than on their back), this is working for us (and worked for Kayden too) so shh! I watch her like a hawk and enjoy my good sleeper. sidenote: I was just thinking this morning how normal it becomes, in the first few months of a baby's life especially, to check to see if someone is still breathing. What other time in your life do you check multiple times a day to see if someone is breathing? And yet...you have a new baby and suddenly this is quite routine!
Maddie eats well and eats a lot. She is a fast nurser, usually only taking 10-15 minutes for a feed. She eats every two hours during the day, unless she is having a good, long nap in which case she might stretch to 3 hours before waking for a feed. But like I said, at night she goes longer stretches without food, her longest stretch being 6-7 hours. Of course that comes at the beginning of the night and I don't go to bed when she does so I haven't had a stretch of sleep that long since before I was pregnant. BUT...it's amazing how good you feel even with 3-4 hour stretches at a time!
Madelyn has grown a LOT this month. When she was born, she weighed 6lbs 10oz. At her one week checkup (which was actually when she was two weeks old), she weighed 7lbs 4oz. And today (5 weeks or 1 month and 4 days), I did the unofficial step-on-the-scale-with-baby-and-subtract-my-weight weighing and she was 9lbs 7oz. She's starting to put on some chub...her cheeks are filling out and she's starting to get little rolls on her arms and legs. Love it! I'm sure she's stretching longer too because she is already wearing 0-3m or 3 month clothing. The newborn clothes were put away last week. It feels like I just got them out in preparation for her birth and now they're already packed away. I know they grow quickly, but I never really remember just HOW quickly! Slow down and be my newborn a bit longer, Maddie!
Maddie was born with a small amount of dark hair, longer and thicker at the base of her neck and less on top. Throughout this month, she has kept all of the longer, thicker hair at the back and has been balding on top from the front back! Levi did the exact thing when he was her age! But he had his first haircut at 10-11 months old so I'm hoping that this balding means that her hair will come in quickly once it starts! Maddie has had beautifully clear skin this month. No funny baby rashes or anything like that. She still has that soft baby "fuzz" on her arms and back, and those teeny white spots on her nose that say "yup, I'm a newborn!" are still faintly there. Her eyes are still that deep, dark baby blue but I suspect they will be dark brown before too long. Madelyn's look reminds me more of Levi than Kayden. Face shape, eye colour, facial features...they're all just a little more similar to Levi than Kayden. That said, you can tell that our three are related!
Speaking of Levi and Kayden, they both absolutely love her. They don't spend a whole lot of time with her, partly because she doesn't do much yet and partly because a lot of this month has been full of company to keep them entertained. Levi refused to hold Maddie in the hospital, saying that he would hold her when we got home, on the couch. When we got home, we asked if he wanted to hold her and he said he did but he needed to be on the couch. Well, I wasn't moving much yet so finally we convinced him to try holding her on our bed, which he did. And then he said that he needed to hold her every day, once in the morning and once before bed. We had a fun routine going the first couple weeks of Maddie's life where the kids would get all ready for bed and then bring books to our bed where I was with Maddie and the 5 of us would read bedtime stories while Levi held Maddie (and whispered to her, explaining the pictures and what was happening in the story). SO CUTE. Kayden also likes to hold Maddie. They both talk about how soft and small she is when they hold her. Kayden calls her "baby Maddie" and her little voice is just so precious saying her sister's name. Levi is in a phase right now where he doesn't say anyone's name (for example, his grandparents are "Daddy's dad" or "Mommy's mom" and his Auntie Ia is "Mommy's sister") so he has yet to actually say Maddie's name. I'm sure it'll come. I'm excited to see their sibling relationships grow in the coming months and years. I pray that these three get along well and enjoy spending time together for the rest of their lives.
It's always interesting to hear people's comments when they're meeting your new baby. It's especially interesting to hear which comments come most often. We have heard that Maddie "definitely belongs in the family" on numerous occasions. We've been told she's beautiful and so pretty (of course, because she is!). We've had comments about her long fingers too.
We started using cloth diapers during her third week. She was leaking out of newborn disposable diapers so we sized up, hoping for diapers with more soaking capability. Didn't work. She was still leaking out basically every time...which required diaper and clothing and blanket changes about every 2-4 hours, day and night. Finally I was just sick of it and figured if I was doing so much laundry anyway, I may as well do diaper laundry instead. We switched her to cloth and the leaks stopped! This just reinforces my love for cloth diapers. Sure, they're a little bulkier, especially on a newborn. BUT, they're super cute and if we have fewer messes using them? I'm in. I even use cloth covers over disposables when I'm out for a day. I would totally recommend Flip covers by bumGenius! Even if you're not cloth diapering and know you never will, pick up one or two Flip covers and use them when you really can't deal with a leak (like if you're traveling or at a wedding, etc). I had Maddie at a wedding on Saturday and took along disposable diapers for the day and had a cover on top. She filled her diaper during the ceremony and I was a little worried that she'd leaked through her dress - and mine - but when I checked her, the disposable had leaked but the cloth cover had saved us! Worth it. Anyway, enough about diapers.
For our family, this month has been full of holidays, family visiting, and continued house renos. Maddie has been able to sleep through the noise of air compressors, nail guns, saws, and sanders. We have had my sister Alicia (3 weeks), Carrie (4 days), and my parents (2 weeks) here this month. Nathan was home for two and a half weeks after we got home from the hospital. I haven't had to cook, clean, garden, or do yardwork all month. It has been the perfect time to heal and get to know Maddie. I have seen everyone working around me and have felt like I need to do more but as I do more, I feel more and am reminded that c-sections are major surgery and I still need to take it easy, even if I'm feeling good.
Firsts this month...
- first wedding: My cousin got married and Maddie chose to cry through the ceremony. It was an outdoor wedding in a park so I really had no choice but to take her to the other side of the park (very much still within earshot of the ceremony) and try to calm her down. The poor bride had to walk down the aisle to the tune of "screaming infant." (Sorry, Chantelle!) Afterward, people were asking me if it was my baby who was crying during the ceremony and, because I had the only newborn at the wedding, I couldn't deny it. But she was absolutely adorable so nobody minded. After all, what can you do? For the record, she was mostly happy for the rest of the day. Good timing with the tears, Maddie, good timing.
- first smiles! And no, they aren't just gas smiles...not all of them anyway. She doesn't smile every time she looks at you, but she has definitely looked us right in the eyes and given some pretty great smiles in the past week! Love.it.
- first introductions: Maddie has met her parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, and all but one of her uncles and aunts! She has also met much the Reimer side of my extended family as well as some friends and people from church.
- first doctor's appointment: in true Niki fashion, I didn't bring enough diapers to the appointment and had to wrap her in one of those papers that they use to cover the bed in the examining room. Not my finest moment. How does this happen every time I take my newborn in for their first doctor's appointment?!
- first gripe water: not a fan. Jury's still out on whether or not it works...
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Introducing...
Madelyn Amia McCorkindale
We went in for a scheduled c-section bright and early Monday morning. I wasn't looking forward to the process much (I felt quite sick through the surgery and recovery with Kayden) and this time wasn't much different from last. I did ask for more anti-nausea drugs this time which helped that end of things but then I was pretty drugged for most of the first day. Day 2 was much better and every day since then has been easier and easier in terms of recovery and feeling like myself again. I'm still moving slowly and haven't ventured beyond the front step of the house BUT I'd rather take it easy and go slow than try to rush recovery and have it take longer as a result.
June 22, 2015
6lbs 10oz, 18.6" long
We all just love Maddie around here. The kids adore her. Most of the time they're too busy to take much time out of their day to pay much attention to her (especially Kayden) but Levi will snuggle up next to me a few times every day and just spend time with me and Maddie. It's pretty special.
Maddie has been a very content baby so far. She eats well and sleeps well (for a newborn so up often but never for long). She is mostly content when she is awake. I'm hoping this lasts! She is just so sweet!
Size-wise, she is between Levi and Kayden's birth weights (3oz heavier than Kayden, 1.5lbs lighter than Levi) but the shortest of all 3. Levi was 20.5", Kayden was 19 3/4", Maddie was 18.5"! I was 18" at birth and weighed less than each of my girls so there's a good chance they'll surpass me in size when they get older, but I'm betting not by much!
I've had a lot of people say that they see a resemblance between Kayden and Maddie. I see it a bit, they're definitely sisters, but I see more resemblance between Maddie and Levi. Kayden had very fine features as a newborn. Tiny eyes, tiny lips, tiny nose. I feel like Maddie has more pronounced features. She has big, beautiful eyes, wider lips, and a more pronounced nose. I'm curious to see her look develop as she gets older. Each of my kids has their own look and each is so beautifully made. It's an amazing privilege to see how God can knit three totally different and totally beautiful children from the same two parents!
Well, I'm tired and it's feeling late so I'll just throw in a few more pictures and post this baby. Welcome to the world, Madelyn Amia! We're so happy you've joined us!
Monday, May 25, 2015
Pregnancy and Renos...
Feels like pregnancy and renos are the two big things going on in my life right now. Not that either of them are keeping me particularly busy. Pregnancy isn't really a "busy" thing and when you're pregnant, renos aren't busy either. At least not for me. Nathan has work to keep him busy every waking moment of the day. Between working a full time job, mowing 6-8 hours a week - pregnant wifey tried to help a few weeks ago but that was a mistake, renos with no end in sight, helping me with a few of the things that I can't do right now (putting up pea fences for one), and spraying our yard for dandelions...never mind having some sort of down time and family time...it's been a long month for Nathan already! Hopefully the next month brings the end of bedroom renos so we can ease up a bit with that and enjoy our transition to life as a family of 5 with a bit more down time! I honestly can't believe how fast it's gone. Not so much the pregnancy - this one has been full of "adventures" (more on that later) which has made it feel unpredictable and drawn out. But I think about this time 5 years ago and Nathan and I were still just the two of us. And in 5 short years we have become a family of 5! That's the part that's crazy to me. How quickly a family can grow and change!
Reading stories together this morning. Levi loves to read to Kayden and I'm pretty sure she doesn't mind one bit.
"What are we doing, mama? Can we look in the mirror too? Can we? Huh? Can we please?"
35 weeks
Sneak peek at the colour scheme for our new living space!
I hope they're always good friends who choose to play together, even when the park is full of other kids!
Planting the garden.
What happens after planting the garden.
Visiting the bunny. The last lone bunny that survived the winter. I think he needs a friend but the kind of friend he won't kill will only result in many, many more friends than he needs...
34-35 weeks...like I said in an earlier post, I take tons of belly pics over the course of a few days and then realize I have a bunch and stop...and then realize a that it's been an entire month since I've taken one so I take a bunch more. I don't do regulation very well, I guess!
As mentioned, pregnancy has been interesting this time around. I feel like my first pregnancy was full of fears and worries but was fairly comfortable as far as sickness and discomfort. My second was higher on the pain scale but not so bad with sickness or fear/worry. And this one has had on and off worries/pain but I feel like I've been more sick this time around than both the other pregnancies combined. Desperately rushed trips to the bathroom in more places I care to know, emergency ultrasound at the beginning, cardiologist appointment, emergency optometrist appointment...it feels like this pregnancy has has soaring hormones that have brought out every weird pregnancy symptom there is. Just goes to show that each pregnancy can be so different! Needless to say, I'm ready to be done with the pregnancy stage and meet this new little one! At around 35 weeks is when I always get really excited and the arrival of a new baby starts to feel much more real. I can start to see the due date on the calendar without flipping so many pages. I can start to think in terms of "only five more Sundays in church before the big day!" Those are the things, for me, that make the arrival feel close. Sure, I've long outgrown my maternity clothes and I can feel little feet and arms inside rather than just whooshing round shapes. Yes, those things make it feel close. But the calendar is what really does it for me. Events are being planned for after the baby's birth (I saw a sign on the side of the road for an auction scheduled to happen after baby's arrival)! And I can't wait until our milk won't expire until after we're home from the hospital! Then I'll really know it's close :)
Well, aside from pregnancy and renos I'm not sure what else is happening. I have much less energy for gardening this year. I've got my seeds in but haven't done anything beyond that. I pull a few weeds here and there around the house but bending down is getting less and less possible (hello heartburn and basketball trapped beneath my ribs). The kids have been great lately. Being able to get outside every day has made a world of difference in their behaviour and attitudes. It's lovely. Levi is such a helpful, smart, and funny four year old and Kayden is an increasingly independent yet still fairly sweet and agreeable two year old. We are STILL dealing with potty regression with her, unfortunately. There is often a small accident these days before she tells us and then finishes on the potty. Some days I feel like we are making progress and then other days, like today, we almost don't have enough shorts/underwear to make it through the day. The regression all started a couple days after renos started which is a month ago now. I totally blame the change (chaos) in our house and routine for the regression but I expected her to bounce back to where she was by now and that just hasn't happened. I'm not sure what to try next. If she doesn't want to sit on the potty and try to go, there is no forcing her. And yet accidents usually come minutes after I ask if she needs to go and she says that she doesn't. She has been dry overnight more in the past month so that gives me hope. But the daytime accidents...oi. So much laundry! We just never had to deal with regression to this extent with Levi, or at least not that I remember.
Anyway, enough potty talk. Wanna see some pictures??
Wearing daddy's hats, because they're so much better than our own.
Since we are so close to the end now, does anyone care to make guesses on baby's gender?? Leave your guess in the comments, I'm curious to hear what people are predicting!
Monday, December 29, 2014
I'm still here!
Last summer I downloaded the blogger app onto my iPhone and loved how easy it was to post pictures and updates. And then I got a new phone at the end of October and that was the end of my blogging for two months. Haha. Oops! I blame the silly Samsung that I'm using now. Everything seems more cumbersome on this stinkin' phone. I'm used to it now but not sold on it. Anyway... I've finally figured out the blogging app and have enough patience stored up to try to type an entire post on here! Wish me luck! If it works, it might happen again before 2 months go by!
So what's new? Let's see if I can figure out adding pictures so I can show you what we've been up to!
Vacuuming.
Pumpkin carving.
(post Halloween... though Levi didn't mind!)
Oh yeah, we've been working on a little something behind the scenes...except it's June not July. 
Hunting and butchering.
(white tail deer)
Painting.
Christmas concerting at our church.
Baking cookies where everyone can watch and help - on the floor.
Opening Christmas gifts.
And stockings. 
Progress report at 13-14 weeks.
Reading books.
Learning how to play Guess Who.
(Levi is SO good at it!)
It has been a fun couple months. A good end to what had been a bit of a stressful year. Most of this year had a "trying to conceive" undercurrent, which is both exciting and frustrating at the same time. After the first baby was so long in coming, I find that each month of subsequent trying is especially hard. Questions of "Will it happen?" and "How long will it take this time?" take over quite quickly into the process and it's fairly discouraging as other people are getting pregnant right away and we're left trying and trying. BUT... we are blessed to have two and another on the way! That's three more pregnancies than I once thought I'd have. So we are rejoicing and singing and oh so excited!
Business-wise, I had a busy January-March and August-November this year. (This is crocheting I'm talking about, Uniquely Me Design.) I sell both through facebook/trade shows (which is mostly local) and Etsy (world-wide). Since having Kayden, these have been my first two "busy seasons" and I'm finding that I just don't enjoy the filling of orders as much as I used to. I love when people are interested in what I make and want to support me...but when it comes to actually making the items, the passion just isn't there anymore. Add to that some direct competition in town (despite knowing that it's just business, I put a lot of myself into my creations and am taking it really personally when I see people ordering from someone else) and I'm finding most of the fun is just gone for me. I just don't think it's worth the stress it's been this year so I think it's time to just let it go. That said, I still LOVE making things for people I know and love so if you are ever interested in something, please ask me about making it for you! I don't mind and love to see people enjoying things I've made! Just buy me the yarn and I'll make things for you! And don't worry, I'll let you know if I just don't have time ;)
Christmas was fun this year. Levi is at an age now (4) where he got really excited counting down to Christmas and Christmas morning was highly anticipated! Kayden was still fairly oblivious to the coming holiday, though she got right into the unwrapping and playing with new toys/reading new books once it arrived. We spent some time with Nathan's parents and brother and with my family. Lots of good times, celebrating God and family, and making memories.
Random little fact that has nothing to do with anything but is a tiny bit fun and exciting for me: tonight I made what Nathan has dubbed "homesteaders stew." It's venison stew made from the deer Nathan shot this fall, and onions, potatoes, carrots and peas from my garden. It was amazing, though the kids didn't love it (boo!). But how great that everything came from the land? I could get used to this!
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