Madelyn - 9 months

 
Nine months in, nine months out. This always seems like a significant age for some reason. I'm not sure why. I guess it's hard to believe she grew in me for as long as we've now known her face to face. As long as the nine months of pregnancy can be, I'd say these nine months are longer. So much has changed! She is growing and developing and changing and learning so much!

Maddie is usually a happy girl. She does like to let us know when she's not happy though. If I leave the room or don't feed her quite soon enough, we will definitely hear about it! But she remains easy to console...by mama. She's definitely a mama's girl. She doesn't always like it when other people hold her though it seems like she may be getting a bit more relaxed about that? I'm not sure. Not too many other people hold her so we don't have much chance to test it. If I'm in sight, I'm the only one she wants. It makes me feel special, of course, but it can also get tiring when I just need to get something done or to take Levi or Kayden to the bathroom during church. Please just let me leave you with someone for 5 minutes! 

Maddie has started bum scootching in the last couple weeks. Nothing is safe anymore. She has helped herself to plant leaves and yesterday I found her with a mouthful of dirt from one of my plants. Yum. My favourite is when she spots something of Levi's or Kayden's (usually their snack). Her eyes lock on it and she starts moving her little booty across the floor to get it, never once looking away from her prize. She is a girl on a mission. She isn't scared of stairs so we are training ourselves to always close the door at the top of the basement stairs. I have found her at the top of the entrance stairs twice now, just ready to go over head first. But it's wide enough that a regular gate won't fit so I guess she will just have to learn to respect the stairs the hard way. Luckily there are only two steps :)

Maddie is wearing mostly 12 month size clothes. She is about 18 lbs. Her hair is getting a bit thicker and longer, though it's definitely not close to haircut stage yet! She has three teeth, one of those is new this month. And her eyes are very dark but not completely brown. They almost have some green or grey in them. Beautiful is what I would call them! 

Madelyn is eating fairly well, though is starting to get a bit pickier. She used to gobble down her evening oatmeal and these days she barely takes a dozen bites - and the bites I do get into her are snuck in while she's busy playing with everything else. She eats most of the food we eat, or parts of each of our meals at least. For example, if we are having farmer sausage with rice and veggies, she will have some rice and veggies. I'm not doing many purees at all. So maybe that's why she's less interested in oatmeal...she would rather be feeding herself finger food! She does like the squishy pouches of purees fruit though. Of course. Even the older kids like those! She still nurses about every two hours during the day, sometimes stretching it out to 3-4 hours but not consistently, and twice at night.

Maddie had her first stay in a hotel this month. I wasn't sure what to expect having all three kids in one room but it went really well! She also had her first and second swims in a pool. She isn't a fan of the cold water and keeps a death grip on me the entire time. But once we go into the hot tub, she loosens right up and starts splashing and having fun. She also loves her baths, still, and almost jumps out of my arms when we walk into the bathroom while the tub is filling. 

Maddie's sleep has not been its best this month. She went through a week or two when she refused her morning nap completely and was having short afternoon naps. Thankfully that passed. She got sick and I think that helped :) She's also added a 10:30-11pm waking to her 2:30am and 6:30am wakings. Not cool. I try not to feed her at that first waking but then it sometimes turns what could be a short waking into a 2 hour cry-fest. So I don't know how to encourage her to sleep through til at least 2:30am. So she's up a bit more in the night than I'd like, and sometimes up for a while, but hopefully sleeping through is on the horizon. She blessed me with one sleep-through this month. It.was.glorious.  She is 100% a tummy sleeper. I don't even bother putting her on her side anymore because she often rolled to her back instead and that just kept her awake. If she is restless in the night, she will roll to her back and that wakes her up more so I'd like her to learn to sleep both ways. It seems sleep is an ongoing topic in our house. We've officially ditched the swaddle this month! She is now sleeping well with only her torso wrapped snugly in a blanket. And I'm in no hurry to change that because it actually keeps her warm while she moves around her crib during the night! That said, we might switch it out for a sleep sack in the next few weeks and see how that goes. Anyway, enough about sleep! 

Maddie has become a better traveller, for the most part. She usually doesn't cry while in the van. That said, we took a trip to swift current this month and she cried the whole last hour home. So she likes to keep us guessing. 

Maddie loves to move to music. It is the cutest thing. She hears music and her little body bounces up and down. Picture little sitting up ab crunches. Sit up straight, and slouch, straight, and slouch. She also loves the words "bang" "bonk" and "shake." She always grins when she hears them and has actions for each of them. Speaking of words, some that she's said this month are "da" "ba" "mama" and "uh-oh!" It's the best to hear her start to make words and sounds. She has really started imitating us a lot this month. If she notices me bobbing my head to music, she will often copy. She will copy sounds that she hears. And if we put our arms above our heads, she will do the same. Babies are always learning at this age. It's such a fun age!

We usually call Madelyn "Maddie" but the kids have started calling her "Madster." At first I really hoped it wouldn't stick but hearing them, especially 3 year old Kayden, saying "Hey Madster..." it's pretty adorable. Levi and Kayden like to play a "night night" game with Maddie at mealtimes. They say "night night, Maddie" and she lays her head down on her high chair tray and then they say "wake up!" and she pops her head up with a big smile. They are so so good with her. They often fight over who is going to play with her or talk to her. Sharing her doesn't seem to be an option. Levi has been babysitting her in his room during quiet time which gives me a bit of a break after lunch. He begs to have her so I tell him if he has his Lego all cleaned up, he can have her. Double win for me! Clean room AND babysitting for the low cost of one jelly bean!

Maddie is a joy to parent. She loves her family and loves animals and loves music. She is cuddly and funny and adorable. Happy 9 months, Maddie! We love you!

Self-care and the Christian

I often remember back to an experience we had in a previous church where Nathan worked. Near the end of our time there, we were given an opportunity to seek healing and receive some intentional pouring into our lives. During this time, Nathan was needing to find other employment for a period of time. Part of the church's offering to us was the offer of their help to find Nathan a job. We felt this was a generous and caring offer but nothing ever came of it. Nathan did end up finding a job fairly quickly, but with no movement from the church. When we expressed our frustration to someone (outside our church) who we were talking with, his response was "Did Nathan find a job? Then I guess you didn't need their help." That response has always stuck with me. I felt put in my place. But when we offer to help someone, are we only obligated to actually follow through on giving that help if they can't do it themselves? It's one thing if the offer is to help if help is needed but I specifically remember the offer from our church being unconditional. When I offer someone help, I give help whether or not they can manage on their own. Help is given for love's sake, not necessarily out of necessity.

I have recently started thinking about how this applies to our relationship with God. God offers to help us. So how much should we rely on that help? Should we ask for His help in everything, regardless of whether we can do it on our own? Or should we try to make it on our own and only ask for the offered help if we find we can't manage? Should I be taking steps to greater personal health (healthy routine, stillness, self-care) before crying out to God? How self-reliant should I be? How dependent should I be?

(a few hours later)
I've been thinking lately about how I, as a pastor's wife, can make the most of the sabbatical time that is coming later this year. It would seem a shame for Nathan to be refreshed spiritually/physically/emotionally and not be able to be refreshed as a couple/family at the same time. So, to look for ideas of how to join in the sabbatical, I googled "sabbatical for pastor's wife." I came across a blog post titled "The Introverted Pastor's Wife." It wasn't about sabbatical, but it was a good read. In her post, the author talks about how she has learned how to care for herself and find balance in the "pastor's wife" role. Once I was done reading, I kept scrolling through the comments section. After a few positive comments, there were a few that weren't so supportive. One commenter in particular seemed to be quite against the post. She called the terms "introvert" and "extrovert" merely popular psychology and something to be avoided entirely. She said that God created us to have the sole identity of "children of God" and anything else should not define us (we shouldn't identify as either intro/extroverted because God didn't make us like that). She said that if we are looking to anything but Jesus for rest (time alone or with people should not be sought out specifically as a source of rest), that it is sinful and we need to repent. She basically seemed to have the mindset that we need to give of ourselves for Jesus with no concern for our personal well-being (because Jesus is all we need and provides for all our needs). And while I agree in part, I couldn't help but be reminded of what I had just written here a couple hours earlier!

So where on earth does that leave things?? Should I not pursue anything that is life-giving? Does my being refreshed in stillness/alone-ness mean nothing? Should I say yes to every opportunity with no thought to my sanity? Does God not create different people with different personalities and passions for a reason? And didn't Jesus himself withdraw to spend time with the Father without anyone else present?

Lord, what do You expect of me? What standard do You hold me to? Do You have different expectations in different cultures (this commenter and the women she was representing are from the UK)?

Is it wrong of me to say no to some ministry opportunities and choose to be involved in the ones that I feel like I can pour myself into wholeheartedly or the ones that I feel God nudging me into, perhaps despite my comfort zone? Is it missing the goal to try to feel refreshed spiritually instead of "dying to self" every day? What is dying to self? Does it mean feeling worn down and tired and continuing to push because God will provide what you need/be your rest? Or does it mean that we leave behind our earthly desires and take up God's desires for the world as our own? I think, perhaps, it's the latter...

So that brings us back around to self-care. Is self-care wrong? Is self-care just us not trusting in God-care? How much should we be relying on God for help and how much should we take responsibility for our well-being? Can you rely on God fully while still practicing self-care?

Please weigh in. I'm curious to hear your thoughts. I'm obviously still working through this myself but would love some other thoughts on it to keep me thinking! What is self-care to you? What does it mean to you to rely on God as your rest/source?