Self-care and the Christian

I often remember back to an experience we had in a previous church where Nathan worked. Near the end of our time there, we were given an opportunity to seek healing and receive some intentional pouring into our lives. During this time, Nathan was needing to find other employment for a period of time. Part of the church's offering to us was the offer of their help to find Nathan a job. We felt this was a generous and caring offer but nothing ever came of it. Nathan did end up finding a job fairly quickly, but with no movement from the church. When we expressed our frustration to someone (outside our church) who we were talking with, his response was "Did Nathan find a job? Then I guess you didn't need their help." That response has always stuck with me. I felt put in my place. But when we offer to help someone, are we only obligated to actually follow through on giving that help if they can't do it themselves? It's one thing if the offer is to help if help is needed but I specifically remember the offer from our church being unconditional. When I offer someone help, I give help whether or not they can manage on their own. Help is given for love's sake, not necessarily out of necessity.

I have recently started thinking about how this applies to our relationship with God. God offers to help us. So how much should we rely on that help? Should we ask for His help in everything, regardless of whether we can do it on our own? Or should we try to make it on our own and only ask for the offered help if we find we can't manage? Should I be taking steps to greater personal health (healthy routine, stillness, self-care) before crying out to God? How self-reliant should I be? How dependent should I be?

(a few hours later)
I've been thinking lately about how I, as a pastor's wife, can make the most of the sabbatical time that is coming later this year. It would seem a shame for Nathan to be refreshed spiritually/physically/emotionally and not be able to be refreshed as a couple/family at the same time. So, to look for ideas of how to join in the sabbatical, I googled "sabbatical for pastor's wife." I came across a blog post titled "The Introverted Pastor's Wife." It wasn't about sabbatical, but it was a good read. In her post, the author talks about how she has learned how to care for herself and find balance in the "pastor's wife" role. Once I was done reading, I kept scrolling through the comments section. After a few positive comments, there were a few that weren't so supportive. One commenter in particular seemed to be quite against the post. She called the terms "introvert" and "extrovert" merely popular psychology and something to be avoided entirely. She said that God created us to have the sole identity of "children of God" and anything else should not define us (we shouldn't identify as either intro/extroverted because God didn't make us like that). She said that if we are looking to anything but Jesus for rest (time alone or with people should not be sought out specifically as a source of rest), that it is sinful and we need to repent. She basically seemed to have the mindset that we need to give of ourselves for Jesus with no concern for our personal well-being (because Jesus is all we need and provides for all our needs). And while I agree in part, I couldn't help but be reminded of what I had just written here a couple hours earlier!

So where on earth does that leave things?? Should I not pursue anything that is life-giving? Does my being refreshed in stillness/alone-ness mean nothing? Should I say yes to every opportunity with no thought to my sanity? Does God not create different people with different personalities and passions for a reason? And didn't Jesus himself withdraw to spend time with the Father without anyone else present?

Lord, what do You expect of me? What standard do You hold me to? Do You have different expectations in different cultures (this commenter and the women she was representing are from the UK)?

Is it wrong of me to say no to some ministry opportunities and choose to be involved in the ones that I feel like I can pour myself into wholeheartedly or the ones that I feel God nudging me into, perhaps despite my comfort zone? Is it missing the goal to try to feel refreshed spiritually instead of "dying to self" every day? What is dying to self? Does it mean feeling worn down and tired and continuing to push because God will provide what you need/be your rest? Or does it mean that we leave behind our earthly desires and take up God's desires for the world as our own? I think, perhaps, it's the latter...

So that brings us back around to self-care. Is self-care wrong? Is self-care just us not trusting in God-care? How much should we be relying on God for help and how much should we take responsibility for our well-being? Can you rely on God fully while still practicing self-care?

Please weigh in. I'm curious to hear your thoughts. I'm obviously still working through this myself but would love some other thoughts on it to keep me thinking! What is self-care to you? What does it mean to you to rely on God as your rest/source?