Madelyn - six months

Happy half-birthday, Maddie! It also happens to be the first day of winter! (Levi has been waiting for the first day of winter almost like it's Christmas - every time we say he needs to wear his jacket because it's winter, he reminds us that actually it's still fall - no longer! Now it's actually winter!!!)

Madelyn is just so adorable. It has been a wonderful six months. They have certainly not been without their trials, but that smile! It just outshines any frustration we've had. Maddie has a beautiful smile and the sunny personality to go with it. She is easy-going and curious and energetic. She loves to experience the things around her...touching, tasting, feeling. But she is also happy to just sit back and watch. She will smile and giggle with our family all the time but is a bit more shy with others. When we are out with others, she likes to look up and check in to be sure she knows who is holding her. She will even do the check-in when I'm holding her in front of the mirror. She sees me in the mirror and then looks up at the real me to be sure that I'm still the one holding her. She sometimes makes strange with other people holding her and other times she's fine.

Madelyn is still small for her age. She hasn't been weighed or measured since November but I'm guessing she's around 15-16 lbs. She is wearing 6-12 or 9 month clothes. I've already put away all of her 6 month clothes. Crazy. It always happens faster than I expect! The little bald spot that she did have is filling in nicely. And her eyes are definitely turning brown! 

Maddie loves to sit and play with toys. She really likes tags and ribbons to suck on and skinny, chewy, rope-like things to chew on (like rubber hoses and such). Oh, and paper...she LOVES to eat paper! It has just enough crinkley noise and gets nice and soggy in her mouth. She gets so mad when we take it away from her! She bounces a lot...if you hold her so she's standing in your lap, she will likely be trying to jump. She likes the exersaucer more than the Jolly Jumper, though. I wonder if it's because she feels like she's more a part of the action in the exersaucer as the Jolly Jumper has to be put in a doorway which is out of the way in our house. Toys that make noises that are too loud aren't her favourite. She does get startled or overwhelmed when things are too loud or sudden. We were at church the other night for the Christmas program and the first time everyone clapped for a performance, Maddie burst into tears! She calms down very easily when she's with me, though, so all I had to do was carry her to the back of the sanctuary and she was fine before I was even out. So I turned around and sat back down! She rarely gets so upset that she doesn't calm down quickly when I hold her. She mostly only cries when she's tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or shy. Or hurt, obviously. But that doesn't EVER happen, what with two older siblings to watch over her and all...

Maddie can sit by herself and has been able to for most of the past month. She knows how to roll over but doesn't do it much anymore, probably because she's too busy sitting up and standing in her exersaucer! She has been eating really well but I haven't been in a hurry to start giving her solid food at regular times each day because once you start, you kinda have to keep going. So instead I've just been giving her pieces of my own food which she loves and does really well with. I believe the term for feeding a child like this is "baby-led weaning," though that process involves absolutely no spoon-feeding or purees and I'm not kissing those goodbye just yet. This is very similar to how Kayden learned to eat and it worked for her so I think I'll just keep going in this direction and see what happens. She loves when we put Cheerios on her tray during supper, though is still mastering the skill of being able to get them into her mouth consistently! She is very grabby and nothing within her reach is safe. So why not offer her bites of this and drinks of that? She gets so excited when she sees something coming in the direction of her mouth. It's so funny to watch!

Maddie has been sleeping really well this month. She is still up an average of twice a night and hasn't slept through the night at all this month. But she goes back down after a feed with no fuss. That's all I ask at this point! Perhaps this month will involve some sleep training, though. I WOULD like to have a full night's sleep again one day soon! She is still swaddled, sleeping on her side. She naps in her crib in her room and nights are still in the playpen in our room. She goes down with minimal fuss for both naps and nights. The odd time that she protests a bedtime longer than a few minutes, it usually just takes me going in, picking her up and patting her back for a minute or two to calm her down and then laying her down in a dry spot in the playpen (drool). She goes to bed around 8pm, wakes between 7-8am and naps around 10 and 2. Unfortunately that means that her afternoon rarely lines up with Kayden's nap and Levi's quiet time but hey, the time is coming! And this is the first month that it hasn't lined up most days so it's not too bad. I get more quality time with each kid this way, even if it does mean no me-time during the day.

Maddie has started being a fussy traveller this month. We have had a couple evening drives where she has cried/screamed the whole way home. I'm hoping this isn't a new thing! Just a phase...please, just a phase... She also met Lennox up close and personal this month. I realized that she hadn't really ever touched him or seen him more than just in passing from her car seat (if that), so one day I let him into the entrance and  they met. She was quiet at first then started squealing and reaching for him and laughing. It was the best! Babies and dogs are great together. :)

Well, that's Madelyn at six months! We love her to bits. Happy six months, my girl!

This is what happens when I say that I'm going to take pictures of Maddie. Notice the little hand under Kayden's armpit? Yup, that's Madelyn's! Kayden was right on top of her :D Maddie didn't mind, of course. 

Madelyn - five months

Maddie is such a happy girl! She's always taking in the world around her. And she's always full of smiles and laughs! And her smiles are full body smiles! Her whole face lights up and her little arms and legs just start kicking and flailing. She even wakes up with smiles! Maddie loves to watch what's happening around her, in particular what her brother and sister are up to! I'm sure it's only a matter of time before she's right in on the action herself!

Maddie's sleep has greatly improved yet again this month. Or maybe it got worse at the beginning of the month so that by now it's feeling better again, even if it isn't at the point it was last month. This month she has started waking more often at night, up to three times. And that's not a bad number but it sure feels different than 1-2 wakings! When she does wake, though, she eats for 5 minutes and is back in bed until the next waking. I'm currently trying to do away with night feeds altogether. Since she used to do fewer, I know she can handle it! She goes to bed awake for naps and at bedtime and puts herself to sleep, usually with minimal fussing, within 5 minutes. I feel like this is a HUGE deal because not so long ago I was fighting her for hours to get her asleep! Yay, Maddie! She wakes for the day happy between 7-8am and goes to bed around 8pm. She has 2-3 naps during the day. She sleeps nights in the  playpen in our room and naps in her crib in her bedroom. And she's still swaddled. I love the swaddle!

Maddie has tried a couple "samples" of solid food this month. A fingertip of yogurt (yum!), a crumb of bread (yum!), sucking on some roast beef (double yum!). She has also had a bit of water out of a sippy cup and a regular glass. She has started reaching for our food and drinks so I figure, why not? When she does get a taste, she gets excited and reaches for more! I think this girl is going to enjoy the day she can start finger foods!

Maddie has been loving the exersaucer this month! She loves to be upright and while last month the toys were just decorations that she paid no attention to, now she gets excited when we put her in there and she starts reaching for toys right away! She reaches for any toys we hold out to her and grabs and pulls the little birdie toy that we have on her car seat. She's getting really good at holding onto toys and getting them to her mouth. Everything that touches her hand is grabbed and goes to her mouth. Poor Kayden has had her hair and glasses grabbed numerous times! Maddie doesn't spend much time in the jolly jumper, mostly because we don't have a great place to hang it. Bathroom doorway, anyone? Not the most ideal spot. If she bounced like a maniac while she was in it, I would probably make more of an effort to put it up more often but she seems to enjoy the exersaucer more and that is much easier to move around the house! She loves baths. I've started putting her in the big bathtub this month, both alone and with Levi and Kayden, because she splashes so much and covers the bathroom with water. She can definitely hold her own in the big tub. Big grin and tons of kicking the entire time! She's is also just starting to enjoy being thrown in the air. (Not that we've been doing this for a while with her not liking it...she's just finally old enough and loves the thrill! She lets go of whatever she's holding onto, pulls her knees up to her tummy and has the hugest smile/giggles. So much fun!

Maddie is getting pretty close to sitting unassisted. She can sit for a while without tipping. But then she turns her head to look at something an tips over. Or she gets excited and kicks her legs and falls back. But she's getting it! And now that she knows the joys of sitting, she doesn't like to be laid down as much. She will pull her head and legs up in a little crunch with just her diaper touching the floor and hold herself there until she can't possibly hold herself any longer. Then she will relax and happily play on her back because even second best is nothing to complain about for Maddie :) Madelyn has rolled over this month, though she doesn't do it as often as she did earlier in her 5th month. She can also turn circles on the floor by kicking her feet and shifting her body. I always put her on something soft on the floor and I often find her with her head on the hard floor a few minutes later. Whatever floats your boat, Miss Maddie!

Maddie has had a cold this month and hates having her nose wiped, though she tolerates it much better now than she did at first. She has no teeth yet and doesn't seem to be teething. She has experienced her first snow this month, though being bundled in a car seat is hardly "experiencing" it! (That's how I'd like to experience snow every winter if I have to at all!)

At her last immunization, which was about a week after 4 months, she was 14lbs 1oz and 24" tall so my guess is that's she's maybe close to 15lbs by now? It's hard to say and I haven't done the unofficial bathroom scale weigh with her. She is wearing 6 month sleepers, 6 or 6-12 month tops and 3-6, 6, or 6-12 month bottoms. Her eyes are quite dark but not a true brown yet. They still have a little grey in the so we will see how they end up! I think Levi's were quite brown by this age already and Kayden's were lighter.

Madelyn is quite an easy-going baby, though she does still pick her moments to make strange or become overwhelmed when there is too much strange activity. Then we have tears. But mostly she is quiet and observing. If she is with you and all is quiet or she's alone, she will make such happy noises - shrieks and coos - and "talk" to us. Baby noises are some of the best noises ever.   She loves singing. When I start to sing to her, her whole face lights up! I love it! 

Well, that's a glimpse of our Madelyn at 5 months. As I type this, she's sleeping in my arms because she decided to be awake right at 7am this morning and had two long naps so her schedule is thrown right off. Church mixed in also didn't help. So now we're sneaking in a third nap just after 5pm (hence the rocking) to tide her over til bedtime. She's such a lovely, warm bundle. 

Maddie, we love you. We're so glad God chose you to be part of our family! Happy 5 months, my girl. I look forward to your personality coming out even more over the coming month!

A peek into my mind as a stay at home mom...

I wrote this last night but figured I would wait until the light of day to see if I still have the guts to share it. Everyone wants to feel like they're good at what they do, and moms are no exception. But when there's no job description or even much time for stepping back for some perspective, it can be tough.

"I always forget just how out-of-it I feel at various points in the first year after having a baby. I go through depression, exhaustion, guilt, lack of motivation, discouragement - and of course love and joy that burst through my chest, and moments of peace too. But those negative ones always take me by surprise and make me feel like I've always been like this and like I always will be. It's hard. Those hormones get to my mind every time. I wish they wouldnt. It's so hard to be a good mom when you don't always feel like you have a clear mind. I feel overwhelmed by stuff and I know that it really shouldn't be getting to me like that. Or the kids will ask to do a simple activity like paint and it'll feel like they've asked me to climb a mountain. Why is it so hard? I don't feel like I'm that tired or draggy. I always pictured myself as the mom who drew no limits when it came to kids and crafts/activities and their creativity. And yet, they're at the stage right now where they need so much help and don't have long attention spans so I barely have time to get them set up and it's time to start cleaning up already because they're done. I also feel like I'm constantly being pulled in at least 2-3 different directions at once. It's not unusual to have supper going on the stove, Maddie crying in her crib because she doesn't want to nap, Kayden at my feet saying "I want you to HOLD me!" and then Levi asking me to watch something or read something or just poking Kayden to get her to scream. In those moments I just feel like it's too much. If I go to Maddie, supper will either burn or be pushed later. If I let her cry, her nap will be even later and it will be harder to get her to sleep because she will be that much more tired. If I let supper go later, I've got two other grumpy kids and chances are, Nathan has a meeting to get to so supper needs to happen at a certain time. I can't very easily hold Kayden while I'm cooking but that's most often when she asks to be held and I don't want her to feel like I always say "not now." Levi is the least of my worries but he's insistent so finally I snap at him then feel bad because all he wanted is a bit of attention. I love the chaos and it also feels like too much sometimes. It makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. How can you love something that makes you so crazy? I don't know.

"Today my one goal was to clean Levi's room. If I'd used quiet time for it, it probably could have taken half an hour. But instead I chose to use quiet time to do some computer stuff which is harder to do while kids are awake. And Levi's room ended up taking all day. Between a couple loads of laundry, getting meals and snacks, reading stories, taking potty, nursing Maddie, putting kids down for naps, feeding animals, burning garbage, dressing kids, changing diapers, doing Kayden's hair...there were only snippets of time here and there to do it. And when the kids are around where I'm working...well, I hold Maddie because she's fussy but then only have one hand to clean. I sort things into piles but the kids always find interesting things in the piles and then they aren't piles anymore. I need to move something across the room and there are little bodies in the way. I also hoped to clean the disaster that is the basement (has been for a month or so) but that didn't get touched. *sigh*

"It's hard to know if you're doing a good job as a mother. Your kid has trouble in school and you wonder if it's your fault. Your daughter is sad and wants to go to bed without lunch - is she just tired or is she sad because you don't spend enough time with her? I try to take time to be attentive to the kids, to read them stories and to listen to them but there's a lot of work to do in running a house too. Some things just need to get done. I try to involve them where I can - baking, cleaning...but they don't always want to do what needs to be done and I sometimes just want to get something done without "help." I wish the lack of accomplishments in a day and the number of piles of clutter were an indication of the time I've poured into my children instead. And while I know that's exactly what the piles and unfinished projects are, I always fear that the kids still feel like I'm too busy. Where's the balance? My work and my life are one and the same. There is no "40 hours a week" when it comes to raising children and making a home. No job description to tell you how you're doing, to measure yourself against. I hope that our children will look back on happy childhoods. I hope that they will be well-adjusted adults. I hope that they will know how much I love them. I hope that they will feel like I always had time for them. The most I can do is try my best every day and hope that I'm not making any huge mistakes. Oh that my children would be able to say:

"We always knew she loved us.
"She always had time to listen.
"We each knew we were her favourite."

I didn't write this for sympathy or in hopes that anything will change. I just know that I often feel alone in this chaos but know that there must be other moms out there who feel the same way. Be encouraged, other moms. Nobody has their life all perfectly together. And if they do, they have children who sleep like angels or they only have one child (because we all know that fewer children automatically means easier - NOT) or they just simply poop unicorns. I'm pretty sure anyone who is a mom feels like their life is running a bit amuck. And I just want all those moms who are falling apart to know that it's ok. And you're not alone.

Madelyn - four months

Maddie is four whole months old today! Yay, Maddie! It has been a wonderful (and so so tough!) 4 months with her.

Maddie is growing so much! She is about 14.5lbs already (the unofficial home-scale weigh-in a few days ago). She is wearing 6 month sleepers and mostly 3-6 month or 6 month clothes. She is a little doll. We just love her to bits!

Madelyn loves to be where the action is! She always wants to see what's going on and loves it when she gets in on the family fun. Too much action, though, and this little girl tends to get overwhelmed and let us know about it! Though this month has had fewer overwhelmed cries from her. Fewer cries in general, I'd say! She has possibly turned into our smiliest, happiest baby yet!

It's not hard to get a smile from this one. She will give smiles especially easily to me, Nathan, Levi, and Kayden. But on Sunday, we were at a potluck and she was apparently smiling at the grandmas who took turns holding her while I ate. For a little one who seems to play shy sometimes, she sure doesn't play shy at all at other times! I have yet to figure this one out! She also loves to giggle! Tickling and sudden funny noises seem to be the things to get her going right now. If the sudden noise is too loud though, she will look for reassurance. If she can get some eye contact with someone she trusts and we smile and reassure her, she will break out a big grin, even though she was unsure just a moment before. It's pretty amazing to see.

Maddie has learned to roll from back to front this month, just in the past few days actually. I will be cooking in the kitchen and hear her grunting and then turn and look and she's either on her stomach or halfway there, working with all her might to flip herself over. I'm convinced she does it so she can see more than just the boring old ceiling. The other day I heard Levi talking to her, saying, "You really like our ceiling, don't you?" When I asked him why he thought she liked it, he said that she spends a lot of time looking at it! I think it will soon be a lot less time as she starts to do more than just lay there on her back!

Madelyn is learning to sit right now! She loves to be on her bum and able to see even more of the things going on around her. I anticipate she might be sitting on her own within the next month or so. She still has to work on her little ab muscles a bit, and balance of course, but it's coming! And once she can sit, I don't think we will be able to lay her down ever again...

Madelyn has been introduced to the exersaucer and the jolly jumper this month. She doesn't really know what to do with either of them yet but it seems like she likes to be able to be upright and look around more. (Are you sensing a theme?!) She gets help jumping whenever she's in the Jolly Jumper from Kayden, who is quite sure that she'd rather bounce a little than spin in slow circles. It's not unusual for one of the kids to beg me to put up the Jolly Jumper so their sister can go in it. Kayden also had a turn in it this month and boy, did she remember what it was for!

Madelyn is starting to grab toys when we hold them out to her and, of course, they all go straight into her mouth. She doesn't seem to be drooling quite as much lately, but a bib is never a bad idea to keep the shirt from being soggy. She will suck on anything and everything. Toys, bibs, exersaucer seat, our hands, blankets...yup. It all goes into her mouth. She is still working on holding onto toys and manoeuvring them exactly where she wants them (unless it's her mouth), but we've noticed a big difference in how she grabs toys from last month to now.

Maddie's sleep is much improved since last month. YAY!! It's not perfect and just when I seem to think that we're doing well, she will resist sleep for a couple hours before bed again. BUT, it's not every night anymore which is making me feel so much more patient and human! Maddie now naps in her crib in her own bedroom which is much less stressful for me since you can hear almost nothing in there from the rest of the house. With all the bedrooms right off the kitchen, and our master bedroom with doors to both the main bathroom and the kitchen, I spent the first 3-3.5 months of Maddie's life shh-ing the older two and trying to get them not to even breathe next to our bedroom while Maddie was sleeping. I was walking on eggshells ALL the time because you can hear everything from our bedroom and how to you keep a 2 and 4 year old quiet all day long?! So I came up with the brilliant idea of napping her in her own room, since I'm not with her while she naps anyway, while keeping her in our room for nights. It is working quite well. We've also got a nursing-->diaper & pj's-->swaddle-->song-->bed routine going which relaxes her enough for her to put herself to sleep most nights! She is up usually 1-2 times a night to eat and goes right back to sleep. She naps 2-3 times a day and is awake for 1.5-2 hours between naps and 3-4 hours before bed. I feel like we're finally at a good place with sleep. Such a relief!

Madelyn is such a joy to have around. She lights up every time she sees us (even right after waking up!) and gets so excited about interacting with us. She is such a happy baby these days, only crying for food (if I don't respond to her complaints soon enough) or because she's tired or shy. But you know what? Even if she was still fussy and didn't go to sleep that well, we would still just love her to pieces because she's Maddie! Happy four months, little girl. We're so glad you're part of our family!

And because I have two other adorable kids who wanted their pictures taken today...

Levi being a goof...and a pesky fly beside him. 

Beautiful Kayden.

Madelyn - three months

Aah, our beautiful baby girl is three months old already! She is such a sweetie. These three months haven't been without their frustrations, but there has been so much lov and joy too as we get to know our Maddie!

Maddie is growing like crazy. I did the home-weigh this morning and she was almost 13.5lbs! When I went for her first immunizations earlier this month, she was 11lbs 14oz so she's likely somewhere in between those numbers. She is short and light for her age but height to weight ratio is at 97%! That means she is short and chunky. I love it! And it's normal for exclusively breast-fed babies to be chunky so nothing to worry about. She's wearing 3-6 month clothes and the newborn and 0-3 month clothes are officially packed away.

Madelyn is happy and full of smiles (and even giggles already - tickling and fart noises (thanks Daddy) seem to work best!) most of the time. I'd say that she's a pretty happy baby, even though she cries more than our other two and other people probably see her cry more than laugh. But if she's awake and fed and at home, she's usually happy. She does seem to like being at home rather than other places though. She has screamed inconsolably at places like Superstore, friends' houses, and church when there's nothing obviously wrong except that we're in a strange place. She also might be making strange already. Seems early but all babies are different! Maddie doesn't like loud noises; they usually make her cry. Poor reno baby. The house has been worked on her entire life and it's not done yet! Only floors to go though!!!

Maddie's hair is coming in nicely. She went bald on top in the fist few weeks of her life but now you can't even tell. She has dark hair that is a bit thinner on the back of her head and longer at the nape of her neck. Her eyes are not completely brown but are quite dark and look like they may be headed in that direction. Her skin is so clear, just one "milk blister" by her right eye that has been there since birth or shortly after. Kayden had one in the middle of her forehead right up by her hairline when she was a baby and it eventually just went away so I expect Maddie's will too.

Sleep has been a hot topic this month. While Madelyn gives us decent stretches of sleep once she's asleep, it often takes a fair stretch of time to get her to nod off. She starts acting tired after about an hour of awake time but it's not uncommon to spend 20-60 minutes getting her down for naps and 45-90 minutes for night. She just fights sleep tooth and nail. Most of this month has felt like a big, long sleep battle. That said, she has dropped her 2am feed this month and often is only up at 5am for a feed before waking for the day around 8-9am. She even slept right through the night once this month, waking for the day at 7:30! I was pleasantly surprised! She goes to bed at night anywhere between 7:30-9:30pm, depending on the length of battle on that particular night. The sleep fight has gotten quite a bit better for naps lately as I've learned that putting a blanket over her face speeds up the process immensely. As long as she can see what's going on, she will force her eyes to say open but when she can't see anything, she will give in to sleep much more quickly. She also likes to rub her face in a blanket as she's falling asleep which makes her hard to hold cause it's almost like she's trying to wriggle out of your arms! At night, none of the regular tricks work and it just takes a long time to get her settled. I sure hope I have a different story for you next month! She still sleeps swaddled and on her side. She's become much more sensitive to noise while she sleeps so I've told the kids that whoever wakes her is the one who has to put her back to sleep. She usually naps 3-4 times a day and one of the naps is usually longer than the others (one hour is a short nap, 3-4 hours is a long nap but even 2 hours counts as the long nap of the day).

Stupid fly kept landing on her. Get off my baby!

Levi was my trusty helper, shooing the fly away from his sister during her photo shoot.

Maddie loves her big brother and sister. She smiles for them a lot and whenever they are looking at her, she just stares right back. Levi loves to climb up on the change table when I'm changing her and getting her dressed and talk to her and get her to smile or laugh. Kayden will often be found leaning on the front of Maddie's bouncy seat just talking to her sister. It melts my heart how much they love her. They argue about who gets to hold her first, especially in the morning. And they both like to burp her, though Levi says that she's getting too heavy. I guess she is almost half his weight!

New things Madelyn does as of this month...she can sit in the bumbo fairly well, though she gets tired quickly. She holds her head up with no problem whatsoever. In fact, if you lean her back against something, she will be pulling her head up trying to sit up straight so she can see what's going on. I think it won't be long before she's sitting on her own. Maddie drools a LOT. I don't know that it's teething, but her shirt is always soaked. I've started putting bibs on her cause those are much easier than a shirt to change multiple times a day! Maddie is getting more distracted while I'm nursing her. I'm not too worried about a nursing strike as she doesn't have any other way to eat, but if she took a bottle, I might be a bit nervous that one day she would just prefer the bottle because then she could see what's going on around her a bit better! Maddie holds onto blankets or any fabric that touches her hands. She was starting to do that at the end of last month but I forgot to write about it. :) It's pretty heartwarming when you're changing her diaper and she grabs your arm or sleeve and won't let go!

There's that fly again...arg!

I don't know that Maddie has had many firsts this month. She was in the nursery at church for the first time this month...but I don't know if that counts because I was up there with her! I had my first birthday with 3 kids this month - the big 3-0!

I just LOVE the baby stage and I'm sad to see it going so quickly. At the same time, it is exhausting and I will enjoy being in a bit more of a routine with her naps and night time sleep as she gets older. I love that eating isn't an issue yet. She can't really be picky when there's only ever one thing on the menu! And her smiles are so freely given at this age...it can be much harder to get a smile out of a toddler or preschooler!

This and That

Random fact: We have a story in one of our kids books called "This and That." (blog post title, in case you have no idea what I'm talking about...and you might still have no idea but that's alright) It's about a mother cat on a farm who goes to all the animals and asks if she can use things like straw and feathers and such. And when the animals ask her why she needs the stuff, she always answers, "Oh, this and that." And the last page shows her with her two new kittens named This and That.

Anyhoo...

Potty training. Wow. It has been a process with our girl. I did one day last week where we packed away the diapers and I spent the entire day watching her closely and reminding her to "tell me when you need to pee." She did really well that day and I felt like we were going to have this pants-wetting thing nipped in the bud. BUT...nope. The next day I made salsa. And the day after that I made more salsa. And then it was Sunday and we were pooped (not literally...oh wait. maybe literally...). Monday came and I was helping Nathan with the ceiling a bit and doing stuff around the house. Tuesday I was busy around the house doing who knows what. And that was a lot of days when I wasn't watching her closely. Many accidents. Many, many loads of laundry. And a girl who doesn't seem to feel it coming, doesn't seem to mind being wet, and will NOT tell us when she needs to go or even when she's had an accident. It's quite frustrating to say the least.

me - "Kayden, tell me when you need to pee!"

K - "Alright."

me - "Kayden, doesn't it feel yucky to have wet pants?"

K - "Nopers!"

Alrighty then. I guess I'll just change your pants whenever I notice that telltale dark spot on the back. Ugh.

I'm thinking I'll need to change my approach. Perhaps tomorrow I will start setting a timer and she will be required to try to pee on the potty every hour or so. If she succeeds, maybe I'll give her two hours before she has to try again. Prizes haven't worked. She just says she doesn't want whatever it is that I'm trying to bribe her with. Potty celebration dances don't work. Huge amounts of praise don't work. Doing it because it just feels better to have dry pants doesn't work. (she loves all those things but will still choose to wet her pants if she doesn't feel like going on the potty) So I'm hoping that if I can get her used to the feeling of dry pants for a few days in a row, maybe she will start to notice that being wet feels icky and be more motivated to work at it. She's such a mystery, that girl.

Speaking of mysteries, Maddie. Sleep. Her sleep is a mystery to me. Why won't she close her eyes and sleep?? It seems like the only time she will close her eyes and fall asleep is when she is so tired that she physically cannot keep her eyes open any longer. I see her eyelids drooping and then I see her little forehead wrinkle and eyebrows go up in an effort to hold her eyes open just a few.seconds.longer... JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SLEEP! You can lead a horse to water. You can even shove their face in it. But it looks like I've got a horse that doesn't drink, even when her throat is dry as a desert.

But as frustrating as Maddie's going to sleep habits are, I must say that she's a pretty good sleeper once she finally gives in to it. I don't know that either of our other kids gave us a 9 hour stretch by 10 weeks old. I'm pretty sure neither of them gave us a 9 hour stretch before they were 12 months old! (Who am I kidding..."us"? Nathan sleeps just fine. It's me who is up with the little lady multiple times a night! Forget sleeping like a baby, I want to sleep like a husband! - yes, I stole that from a shirt. But it's SO true)

So this is what my life is these days. Sleep, pee, kindergarten (but I know how shy Levi is and he probably wouldn't want me to post about him and kindergarten much so I won't...Maddie and Kayden...for some reason I just don't think they mind quite as much. Maybe by the time they're 5, they'll mind too and I'll pull back my recounting of their lives via blog). Sometimes I wonder if I should be a working mom. There are moments when I wonder if what I do is really profitable. Valuable. Maybe I'm wasting these years of my life by staying at home and not pushing myself more to get out of the house and use my brain in a different way at least a couple days a week. But you know...then I stop and think about it some more. Some people would feel like they're wasting away if they spent every day doing what I do. But who's to say that working a job or using your mind for something other than homemaking is more valuable? What's important here? Should I take my kids to daycare while I work a job I hate (or enjoy, but that's beside the point) just because I feel like I'm more valued in society if I do that? I think, when it comes right down to it, it's about what God has led each of us to do and what makes us feel fulfilled. What is life-giving to you? Is it to work a job? Then do it with everything you've got! Is it to work part time and stay home with the kids part time? Awesome! Or is what's most life-giving to you to be free to throw yourself into your home and family every hour of the day? Then do it and take great joy in it! No guilt. No inferiority. Just huge amounts of blessing in whatever you do if you're doing it for the right reasons!

I was wondering the other day about whether I was getting "dumb" because I stay at home. I loved maths and sciences in school. Math especially. Calculus was my favourite. It gave me headaches. It stretched my mind. And I loved it. Physics too. And chemistry. Equations. Formulas. Aah...the subjects where there is a clear right and wrong answer. Black and white. Everything can be neat and tidy when there are right and wrong answers. None of this grey business (though I recognize that there is a ton of grey in life and I embrace that there is - it would be wrong to insist otherwise...just wouldn't it be easier if everything could be put in a clean and organized pile? mmm...piles...) Anyway, off topic. I don't do any of that anymore (maths/sciences). But I realized that I AM still using my mind. I'm not using it in an academic way (who says academia is the only important place in the world?) but I am using it. I do problem solving every.single.day. I spend hours wondering why my baby isn't sleeping....still.isn't.sleeping...why isn't she sleeping yet? I analyze her schedule and her sleep cues and tweak this and that until it works. I pore over details of my two year old's personality, trying to figure out why she doesn't care to use the potty and what might motivate her to choose porcelain over fabric for her elimination needs. I wonder why my 5 year old is so shy and why he won't speak or let people see who he is and wonder how I can help him grow to be confident. (oh wait, he's just like me...) I search my mental database on a regular basis for the perfect stain treatment to get out various stains from my children's (and husband's) clothes. I am constantly learning new things about the best way to clean something or cook something or make something. I am no gourmet cook, but I have learned many things about cooking since I got married and rarely use recipes anymore - unless I'm baking. There's something about baking that just doesn't turn out quite right if you don't have the right amount of baking soda or flour or whatever...and I just haven't mastered the "feel" of baking without a recipe yet. Gardening...I'm still in the beginning stages of learning what works and what doesn't and all that is involved in getting a good crop year after year. How are these things any less valuable than things you learn in a classroom? I submit that they are not. I don't care that some people don't value home-making as a full time job. I am going to rock home-making out of this world!

So there.

Speaking of homemaking...our house is a disaster (though I do believe making a HOME and taking care of a HOUSE can be two different things...but I digress). Here's a random story for you...because it's late and I ramble pointlessly when I'm tired. We had someone stop by unannounced this morning (the risk of getting a new phone number and people still having the old number in their phone) and I was SO embarrassed at the state of our house. There was a pile of tomatoes on the kitchen floor because I'd just been sorting out the red tomatoes from the green to make pizza sauce today. There were dirty diapers on the floor because I hadn't taken them downstairs to the diaper pail yet that morning. There were crayons on the floor, papers from kids colouring all over the floor, half-eaten breakfast on the table, a random pair of ear muffs for mowing the lawn on the floor, a pile of random junk on a shelf by the door, some lawn chairs leaning against the wall in our dining room, the table covered with random stuff, socks on the floor by the door, plastic bags laying around, a drill, a broom, random furniture here and there. There was stuff EVERYWHERE. And that's often how our house is these days. I usually try to tidy up if I know someone is coming over but today there was no warning. And it was fine because I'm sure she (wonderful lady, has grown kids of her own) knows we're in the middle of renos (it takes so much more time and energy to clean up when you have to FIND a place for everything rather than just return it to it's designated spot, am I right?!) and have young kids who make messes faster than I can clean them up and am in the middle of dealing with huge amounts of garden produce and have a baby who doesn't sleep which means that my usual tidy-up time in the evening is spent bouncing an overtired baby. BUT...it was hard to let her see that. I always took pride in the way our house looked. I felt like it was a direct representation of how well I was doing my job. It's as if people were thinking "you stay home all day, why WOULDN'T your house be spotless?" To that I say, wouldn't a house be more spotless if nobody was there all day? Just sayin'. ;)

Anyway... Yeah. Messy house. It drives me nuts. I think of it because I'm sitting here typing in the midst of it instead of spending the night tidying up. Haha. Yup. But that's probably enough pointless rambling for one night. If you've read this far, nice work.

One last random thought for you this evening...why did Apple make such sharp edges on the bottom of their laptops? I'm using a MacBook and the skin on the inside of my forearms is raw from the edge of the laptop cutting into my skin. Seriously Apple, you do so many things well but that edge...make it a little rounder, k?

Happenings...

It feels like there has been a lot happening in the past month. It has made life feel a little busy but it has also made August feel quite long so that's a plus! I'm always good with summer feeling as long as possible!

Maddie has been growing and changing. She smiles so much and sometimes it almost sounds like a little giggle coming out of her. Around 7 weeks, she decided to be a bit more challenging in the sleep department and it has continued. She can fight sleep unbelievably well. You know she's tired and yet she manages to keep her eyes (or one eye at least) open so she doesn't quite fall asleep. Bedtime used to be a quick 20 minute change, swaddle, feed, bed routine and now it is often an hour or more before she's actually asleep for the night. She still gives good stretches of sleep at night, though, and I'd rather deal with a baby who has trouble falling asleep than a baby who has trouble staying asleep. She's almost doubled her birth weight at 2 months so she's growing well!

Kayden...we found out she needs glasses this month. They had to be ordered and then they were back ordered so we don't have them yet. I took it pretty hard when we found out she needed them, which I didn't expect. But I have since found out that it's actually quite common for parents to have a hard time adjusting to the fact that their young child needs glasses. Who knew? So she should get them in the next couple weeks and then we can start the fun of seeing if she will wear them. With Kayden we are also looking at potty training. I went through the three day potty training back in January and she caught on decently quickly. So she was doing really well from February to April. But at the end of April we started renos which threw our house and schedule into chaos. It didn't bode well for potty training. Then in June Maddie arrived and Kayden's  accidents just became more and more frequent. By the end of the month, if we didn't take her to the bathroom regularly, she would have an accident because she just wasn't telling us she needed to go anymore. She wouldn't even tell us after it happened. She would just keep playing. Talk about frustrating! So anyway, one day in early August she peed on the couch and didn't tell me and that was it. I put her in a diaper and neither she nor Nathan or I have said much about it. She uses the diaper and that's that. BUT...tomorrow is the day that we try again. My thought is that maybe a couple weeks in diapers will have "reset" her and it will all be fresh tomorrow. Levi will be in school because as much as he wants to help, Kayden just doesn't respond positively to his instruction (surprise surprise!). And Friday is Nathan's day off. I'm hoping that by Sunday we can go to church without diapers. Wish me luck!

Levi has started school! His first day of kindergarten was yesterday. He was excited and then I went to drop him off and he was scared but at the end of his first day he was excited to go back so yay! We have a school boy! 

Madelyn - two months

These past two months have been a lot of fun. It feels like Maddie has been here so much longer than just 8-9 weeks! This month I have loved getting back into feeling "normal" and getting to do the things I haven't been able to do (easily) yet this summer. Gardening, mowing, housework. It has been so nice to be healed from the c-section and not sick anymore like I was during pregnancy. I'm feeling better now than I've felt since last November! It's lovely.

Speaking of lovely, Madelyn is absolutely lovely! I think I mentioned last month that she tends to be fussy/gassy? Well, this month the gassiness has diminished and she is content most of the time! When I notice her getting a bit fussy, I start putting her to bed and that usually solves it. She's only really fussy when she's tired. But if you miss that small window between awake and tired, you will hear about it. There will be crying and sleep-fighting like nobody's business. While she used to go to sleep quite easily, around 7 weeks she started fighting sleep and putting her down for naps and bed became a process every time. There's always lots of shh-ing and bouncing and rocking and walking before she succumbs. One night I spent four hours actively trying to put her to bed for the night. Most nights it's better than that, but sometimes is does take some convincing! Maddie still sleeps quite well at night. She is usually only up 2-3 times during the night. When she's up, I feed her and 10 minutes later she's back in bed asleep. She usually goes to bed between 8-9 and wakes for the day about 12 hours later. Or at 5-6am. I don't love those mornings! Maddie naps 3-4 times in a day, depending on nap length. She is rarely awake longer than an hour before being ready for another nap.

Maddie goes by a few different names in our house. Kayden calls her Maddie, Baby Maddie. Levi has yet to say her name out loud. He calls her Baby or refers to her as "our baby." Nathan calls her Maddie or Beautiful. And I call her either Maddie, Madelyn Amia, or Madelyn. When I'm talking to her, it's often  Madelyn/Madelyn Amia. When I'm talking about her, it's Maddie.

Madelyn is such a smiley baby! It's not usually too hardo get a smile out of her, especially right after she wakes up and eats. Sometimes it almost sounds like she laughs, she sounds so happy! She smiles easily for Levi and Kayden too, which, as their mother, melts my heart! She just watches them and when they come to her, she smiles! I love to see their sibling connection grow. Levi and Kayden both love to hold her and often fight about who gets to hold her first. Kayden still needs help holding her but Levi is a pro and I don't worry about leaving him with her for a few minutes at a time. Before I know it, he will be babysitting!

Madelyn is growing like crazy. I did the unofficial weigh on the home scale today and she was 12 lbs already! That's 5lbs 6oz gained since birth. I managed to get rid of Maddie's cradle cap this month and her hair on top is coming in nicely. No bald spot on the back either so yay! Maybe she will have hair before she's two? Her eyes are quite dark but not completely brown yet. I'm fairly certain their headed in that direction but they're still holding onto a bit of their baby blue-ness for now.

This month's firsts have included visits to both grandparents' houses. She went for her first stroller ride...to the garden. She had her first riding mower ride (and her last until next summer). Don't worry, it wasn't long and I kept her very safe! Maddie can hold her head up like a champ by now. She rarely face-plants anymore. When he's on her tummy and gets tired, though, she does start to cry for someone to turn her over. She's not rolling yet but has turned onto her side a number of times (that happened already in the hospital though).

Getting a picture of one when you have three...

It's been a fun month with Madelyn. Yes, it's hard to get much done these days, in the garden, yard, and the house. But it's so worth it to have a little one to feed and change and lull to sleep. So so worth it.