An adventurous hermit?

I woke up this morning with terribly sore groin muscles. TMI? Well it's true. And I couldn't figure out why. I racked my brain for the cause (what did I do yesterday??) and just couldn't come up with anything.

And then I sat on the quad our friends lent us. And the sore muscles all made sense. Ouch. 

I couldn't figure out whether to title this post "I want to be a hermit" or "I love adventure". I figured I'd go with a combo. 

Our family went for a quad ride together yesterday. We just did some exploring around our place, places further than little legs can walk (ahem...I'm talking about the kids here) and where the truck won't go. We love to do stuff like that together. I definitely wouldn't say we're extreme adventurers...but for doing it all with a 3 and 1 year old, we hold our own :) First we did a circle around our yard. Over some bumps...ooh yeah!  Then we headed away from the yard. The path we were following was pretty solidly gravelled. Then the gravel thinned out and the trail turned to sand. Then the grass took over. Before we knew it, there were trees on both sides of us (I feel so at home when surrounded by trees!) and as we were enjoying the trees above us, the solid ground under us turned to water. Gulp. (This is where the sore muscles came from! I was hanging onto Nathan pretty hard as we hit the water/mud and apparently I pulled something!) Stuck. Mud. It's not our quad. Hmm. Oops. Well, thankfully it was a relatively small quad. I was the responsible mom and kept the kids dry on the quad (right!) while Nathan took his shoes and socks off and stood knee deep in water/sludge/sewer (as Levi called it) to haul us out. Done and done. Catastrophe averted. Not stuck out in the bush, miles from anywhere, with two young kids today. 

We continued on - back the way we came - and when the road ended and electric fence came, we abandoned ship and headed out on foot. I find it so much fun to wander and explore and see what there is to see. Growing up I often wandered in the bush on our farm just to explore. We found a "secret" pool of water surrounded by trees! As we wandered (with a lone cow standing by the water that we saw at the last minute, thankfully not a bull...or at least not one that felt like protecting its water hole) We saw the lake from the top of the non-populated side of the water. We saw lots of wild grass and Saskatoon bushes and trees and wild, raw nature. It was absolutely breathtaking. And all I could think the entire time was "I want to live here."  I know we live not 3 miles from there, but I was seeing a cozy little cabin built right into the hill, with just wild grasses and shrubs for my front yard. 

From most places on our adventure, we could see no signs of civilization. No roads, no buildings, no power lines. Just the natural beauty of the incredible land where we live. 

When we first moved to the country, a big draw for me was the feeling of isolation. Of being completely alone out here. I love that. And when we were out on the hills near our place, that feeling of silence and solitude was even stronger. I'm in love. I'm pretty sure I was meant to be a hermit. How many people can say that the more alone they feel, the more "right" it feels?? I certainly have a social side and I get lonely from time to time, especially when I see friends having fun without me...but I think I could be pretty happy living on the side of a hill with nobody to talk to for days on end. :)

I hope I can give our kids both a sense of adventure and a deep sense of peace that comes from being alone with their creator. What wonderful gifts they are!

Ahead or behind??

As you all know, I've got two kids now. I have had for 18 months already. There's something very different about parenting child #2 than child #1. I don't mean to parent differently...I just do! It's the nature of having two children of different ages to take care of instead of just one!

I get the babycenter emails every week, the ones that tell you where your child might be at developmentally at each stage in the game. With Levi, I kept thinking, "oh! He's only supposed to be doing that now?? He's been doing that for weeks already!" And now with Kayden, I find that I'm always thinking that's she's just not there yet. (That's assuming I open up the emails every week...who has the time!) 

There are two very good reasons for this (probably more!). One: she's her own person and does things at her own pace. I'm ok with that. That's great and I'm not concerned. Two: I'm less inclined to be thinking ahead with number #2. With Levi, I was always looking at the toys and games and puzzles that he had yet to grow into and was constantly wondering if he was old enough to play with them yet. I had lots of time and he was the only one to focus on so naturally he was trying new things as soon as possible. Now with Kayden I find that I am more preoccupied and suddenly realize (usually after the fact) that she would love a toy that I'd put away once Levi was done with it. So I pull it out and sure enough, she's ready for whatever it may be!  

I feel a little guilty that Kayden isn't getting as much 1 on 1 attention as Levi got, or being quite as stretched developmentally, but I keep telling myself that it's not necessarily a bad thing! She isn't being neglected, she doesn't receive any less love or care or attention. It's just in a different form than what Levi got at this age. And it's all good. 

So what if she doesn't play with puzzles until she's 19 months and Levi was putting together 20-piece-ers by the time he was walking?? (Ok, that may be an exaggeration) My goal as a mom isn't to get each of my kids to meet milestones at the same time as their siblings, and to always be pushing them to be ahead of the game. My goal is to love them and give them what they need. To give them opportunities to grow and to trust my instincts when they tell me whether or not the kids are ready for something or not. 

Kayden will have a different experience with my parenting than Levi and if there are more kids, they will each have their unique experience. I just have to say, though, I'm understanding why the last child in a family tends to be babied longer than the older kids. It's not necessarily intentional!  It may just be that the parents are so busy that they don't realize what's happening! So if my last baby is still sleeping in a crib when I take him to kindergarten, or using diapers in grade 5...just let it be. Eventually I'll clue in and realize that my baby has grown up. :) 

Wife and Mother - a disclaimer

I'm a wife. 

I'm a mother.

I love those titles. Anyone who knows me, knows those are two roles I've wanted my entire life. I would go so far as to say I feel like this is my calling in life. Some people want to be a wife/mother but also want to be a doctor or a physiotherapist or a teacher. That's awesome! I, on the other hand, had no idea what to go to university for after high school because you just can't go to university to get a husband/kids. I did the next best thing and went to Bible college...where I met Nathan. And then we got married. And then we were blessed with kids - after a few years of having to seriously question what I was called to because kids weren't happening quickly nor easily. There's just no guarantee with the homemaking dream. If you want to be a __(enter profession here)__, you just work hard enough and you can accomplish it. Homemaking is something that, if you feel called to it, you just have to trust that God will give you what you need so that you can do it, or that He will give you something better.

But I digress. I have had numerous people tell me lately that they admire the passion I have for being a wife and mother; for making a home. I love that people notice my passion. But it also leaves me feeling a bit uneasy. It almost seems like the people who have said this have felt inferior, like they feel as though I've got it all together.

"I really admire the way you are just loving this whole homemaking thing. I never felt like that."
"I'm not like you. It seems easy for you. I'm having a really hard time."

Now listen. This is important. Ready? I'm.not.perfect. I'm not. I'm far from it. I'm not a perfect wife. I'm not a perfect mother. I make mistakes. I sometimes feel like I have no clue what I'm doing. I have days when I just want to throw up my hands and walk away...or pull out my hair...or scream until my voice is hoarse...or curl up in bed despite - or because of - the screams coming from the next room. I do my best, just like every wife/mother I know. And just because I feel called to be a homemaker, doesn't mean that I'm doing it perfectly nor finding it easy. We're all just figuring it out as we go.

I may give suggestions on this blog; sharing what is working for us. But I'll also definitely be asking for advice. I welcome advice! I'm always open to hearing what worked for you and considering whether it might work for us too! So let's work together. Please don't be intimidated. Please don't get the idea that I believe everything I'm doing is the only right way to do it. I'm not judging how you do things. I'm not sitting here and thinking that if you just did things the way I'm doing it, life would be so much better for you. Different families do things in different ways and that's great.

I'm so thankful for this family that God has given me. For an amazingly wonderful, supportive, gentle, wise husband. For two healthy, energetic, smart, and ridiculously cute kids. For this home that we have and the 10 acres that we own around it (or will own in 25 years once we finish paying for it!). I'm blessed and humbled to be able to do what I feel passionate about. That's not a small thing.

If you'd like to follow along, just go to the right side of this page and hit "follow" so you can be notified whenever I post. I'm not sure that I'll be linking my posts on fb all the time (let me know if you like when I do that, I can totally keep doing it!).

I return.

It's true. I miss blogging. And so I'm back. Without the pressure of needing to blog, I think of all sorts of things to write. Go figure. So here I am. And at a new blog address...again. 

Why the new address? Having already spent a few years blogging back at Thoughts From Second Street, then a few more years at What Else Is Red?, I'm realizing that I need separation in my blogging ventures. I'm a "piles" person, needing a separate space for each "thing." So as I'm in different seasons in life, I'm needing separate places to write. A fresh page open in front of me.

At the last blog, I often sat down to write and, especially near the end, found myself trying desperately to explain myself to people. I felt like I needed to justify myself and my choices to everyone. And that's not what I wanted my blog to be, yet that's what it became for me. I didn't want that. I shouldn't have to explain myself. I shouldn't be desperately explaining and coming up with arguments for my choices. I am who I am.


I hope to fill this new space with just little details of my days. Pictures, thoughts, what I'm learning...whatever comes to mind that day. I'm not going for deep thoughts and I'm certainly not going for a space for you to get to know me better, though that's likely to happen as you read about my days. I have a few friends who are not on facebook; this is for you. I have family who would love to see and hear more than I post on facebook; this is for you. I have friends who just like to keep up with what's going on in my life; this is for you.

Enjoy.