Part One

It was just over four weeks ago now that something big started happening. In the past four weeks, Nathan has announced that he's leaving his job and we've made steps toward some big changes for our family. This may sound sudden, but it has been coming for a while. Well...we've known that SOMETHING has been coming, we just haven't known what.

It all started (for me) a year ago January. At that point, Nathan was going through a rough time in his job and, like many people do when things are especially rough at work, he was wondering if it was time to move on. At that point, I was completely opposed to moving. We had just finished major renovations in our home, the home on the acreage we'd bought so we could put down roots in this area. I felt I deserved the security of living in a place long-term, of knowing that we would be here for years and years, until the kids graduated and they started bringing home grandchildren for us to love. After having moved around our entire married life, not spending more than 4 years in one place, I was ready to just be in one place. So when Nathan started questioning the length of our time in Watrous, I panicked. I didn't want to move. I wouldn't.

My gut reaction to Nathan's questions about moving really brought to light some unhealthy attitudes in my heart. No, it turned out that it wasn't the right time for us to move. But for me to be clinging to the life I felt WE had built, that we deserved, with white knuckles and not even considering that God might have something else for us...what does that say about what/who I was serving? Talk about uncomfortable! Having my idolatry become that clear? Oh boy...

And yet, in the midst of my shame, I didn't feel that the shame was put on me by God. I felt incredible grace when I went before God and confessed my struggle with the thought of moving. And I heard God begin to work on me and tell me that it's not wrong to enjoy this acreage, this home. It's not wrong to not want to move. This place and time is a gift that God wants us to enjoy. It only becomes a negative thing when we cling to it and think we are entitled to it, rather than holding it loosely, with open arms. It was incredibly helpful for me to hear this. This place is a gift for us to enjoy as long as we're here. And then, when it's time to let it go, God will continue to provide for us. And it will be good. How incredibly freeing is that?

This was no quick or easy lesson to learn. It only takes a few paragraphs to write, but in reality, it was weeks and months of struggle and pain to finally "hear" this. In fact, at many points through this period of time, I felt frustrated and like God was especially distant and quiet. It was in looking back that I recognized His voice and could clearly understand what He was saying to and teaching me. I think we often expect to hear God in certain ways. We think that if we sit in silence with our Bibles open, God will suddenly speak. Maybe we think that if we spend enough time with other believers, God will speak through them. Yes, God speaks in these ways. But I don't think we can limit God. Part of getting to know God (continually) is learning to recognize the many ways in which He speaks. The still, small voice is not always a voice like we might expect. But I do think that God makes himself clear to his children if we are listening. His children know His voice...if we take the time to listen to the voice and get to know it.

So listen. Give God room to speak and give yourself room to listen. Allow silence into your life. Spend time with other children of God. Spend time in the Word. Allow yourself to go into those difficult places in your life. Think. And ponder. And journal. And sing. And worship. Go out into nature. Explore the ways in which you can hear God and how He wants to speak to you.


When I sat down to write this blog post, I totally expected to get to what the first paragraph hints at but it went another direction and I think that's ok. It's an important part of the bigger story so I'll leave it here for today and come back to it soon and share more about where our family is headed.